My older sister and I were just catching up in an e-mail on the daily happenings in our lives. My older sister is a single mom. I am single, never married, and don't have any children. We have had family relatives on both sides of the family tree that never married. I may be one of them, then again, one never knows.
She asked me if I got lonely. I said truthfully, oh, sure. I have been lonely, but being deaf and growing up in a hearing family, people were not always friendly toward me because I was different. That's true of anyone with a disability, deaf or not. Deafness can be isolating. I am not a loner, but there are days when I prefer solitude because I've had a hectic, crazy week. I'm really good at entertaining myself.
I have the soul of a couch potato and would like nothing better to sit and read a good book all day. That isn't realistic, because I have to work for a living. It is also deadly for you to sit still.
People sometimes have unrealistic expectations of what "happiness" is. For me, I had to LEARN to be alone and not fear it. There are people out there that are truly afraid to be alone, and are always searching for someone or something to fill the void. They are the ones who are the workaholics, the ones with multiple marriages, the Type A personalities who are constantly filling their calendar with extracurricular activities, whether it is travel, a cooking club, going to a gym to exercise, going to football, baseball, hockey games, volunteer work, anything to avoid being ALONE.
You have to like yourself, feel comfortable in your own skin, be happy with yourself, before you can truly expect to make someone else happy. I truly believe that. Several people have told me, both hearing and deaf, that the worst loneliness they ever experienced was being trapped in an unhappy marriage. That revelation has always stuck with me. Marriage doesn't always make one happy. I have friends and relatives who have been happily married for years. I am fortunate to have friendships that have stood the test of time. These are the friends that truly stick by you through thick and thin.
I feel sorry for those people who are addicted to things like plastic surgery, luxury homes, luxury cars, money, love, and material possessions. When my sisters and I buried our mother nearly five years ago, I remember being thunderstruck by the thought, as we stood by the open grave of our parents, how you come into this world with nothing, and you leave this world with nothing.
Material things are nice. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy nice things as much as the next person. I'll admit to being addicted to Starbucks coffee. It is so bad, the barista has my Venti Skim Latte ready for me as soon as I approach the cash register with the exact change!! Those dear folks know me by my drink!
The state of being lonely doesn't have to be permanent. For me, it isn't. Holidays can be awkward because I don't have a husband or children. The truth is, family is what you make it.
It can be spending the holidays with extended family, friends and neighbors. There are a lot of single people out there, and not necessarily by choice. Some have been divorced, some are widowed. Some are single and have never been married. I can remember one Thanksgiving, my older sister and I volunteered to serve Thanksgiving at a church in the city to folks who didn't have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with. The Priest at that Catholic church, much to my amusement, kept pointing out single, eligible guys to my older sister and me.
Post cochlear implant, post Activation Day, I definitely have plans. I wouldn't mind doing volunteer work of some sort again. You meet such interesting people. My mother, when she became widowed, her life didn't stop. It changed, and our mother adjusted. She made sure that college students who didn't have family in the area, spent holidays with us. They were always grateful, and we got to befriend a person for a day.
I want to go to the zoo. I want to hear the animals post-implant. I'd like to find a bird sanctuary or an aviary somewhere if they exist nearby, so I can hear what bird calls are like. It might be too cold to go to a beach. Maybe. We even spent Christmas week one year on the beach. It was a mild winter, and while you had to wear a winter jacket while strolling on the beach, up at our rental house, you could sit out on the deck in your pj's or nightgown, with your cup of coffee, it was that warm. I have always loved the ocean. I was first introduced to the ocean when I was eight, and I was surprised that the ocean tasted salty!
I think part of the reason I am such a regular at Starbucks, is because of the people who bring their dogs with them. There are all kinds of different breeds, and the dogs all seem to know that I love animals. I don't own a cat because while they are low maintenance animals, I don't like cleaning out litter boxes. A dog is out of the question at the moment because my work is so hectic and it can get insanely busy. I have friends who graciously share their dogs and cats with me, or rather, the animals decide to share their owners with me!
If you are true to yourself, are honest about who and what makes you the unique person you are, you can be a happy person. If you were an unhappy person before becoming deaf, a cochlear implant isn't going to solve your unhappiness. Change what you don't like about yourself, and THEN get a cochlear implant, if that's what is best for you.
I cannot believe it is mid-September already!
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