I spent Christmas with my younger sister and her family. One year and two months since I received a cochlear implant, her house was definitely noisier than I remember it. Most of the kids got techie gadgets, so there were all kinds of beeps, clicks, whistles, all sorts of noises.
We went to church Christmas Eve. It was a small gathering - a lot of people traveled out of town for the holidays.
I had quality conversations with my nieces and nephews. Conversations flowed easily. My sister only had to tell me once that I misunderstood a child's conversation. That was a first.
My sister automatically turned her head to me as she was driving. I had to remind her I could hear her and could understand the conversation.
She also noticed that I don't talk as loudly as I used to (smile) and that my speech has improved along with my pronunciation of words. I could carry on a conversation in a noisy environment.
look back at where I was 18 months ago and it is humbling to think of the huge change a cochlear implant has made in my life. Hearing is such a gift.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Some WOW Moments
The other morning it was a chilly 31 degrees. I had to stop by the gas station on the way to work and fill up the gas tank. At 5:40 AM, I was the only one at the pump and at the station.
It was quiet. I discovered that the gasoline makes a "glug, glug, glug," noise as it is being pumped into the tank. I would not have heard that distinct sound in a noisy environment!
I have been listening to National Public Radio while driving home in city traffic in an effort to goad my brain into discriminating and understanding speech without captioning. I had a breakthrough: I heard two words, "independent nation," and I was elated. I turned on National Public Radio again on the commute home tonight and heard, "It's not easy," my first sentence WITHOUT captioning. I was so relieved. I continued to hear words here and there and snatches of conversation over the radio.
I now realize that understanding speech without captioning IS possible, and I am hopeful that this time next year I will be conversing over the telephone and a cell phone WITHOUT captioning. That is a personal goal of mine. It has been one year and two months since I had the cochlear implant surgery and had my left ear implanted.
It has been an amazing year. I have had so many WOW! moments. My absolute favorite WOW! moment happened this Spring when I was watching a female cardinal sitting on a branch of my crape Myrtle tree. I was really close to the bird, sitting on my porch step of my townhouse and not daring to breathe. The indescribable joy of seeing the cardinal open its beak and hear the bird call out of its mouth. I will never forget that. Being able to actually connect the bird call to the cardinal and KNOW what that particular soundflavoring was like once I heard it.
Pure Joy. Pure, childlike joy.
Hearing is such a gift.
It was quiet. I discovered that the gasoline makes a "glug, glug, glug," noise as it is being pumped into the tank. I would not have heard that distinct sound in a noisy environment!
I have been listening to National Public Radio while driving home in city traffic in an effort to goad my brain into discriminating and understanding speech without captioning. I had a breakthrough: I heard two words, "independent nation," and I was elated. I turned on National Public Radio again on the commute home tonight and heard, "It's not easy," my first sentence WITHOUT captioning. I was so relieved. I continued to hear words here and there and snatches of conversation over the radio.
I now realize that understanding speech without captioning IS possible, and I am hopeful that this time next year I will be conversing over the telephone and a cell phone WITHOUT captioning. That is a personal goal of mine. It has been one year and two months since I had the cochlear implant surgery and had my left ear implanted.
It has been an amazing year. I have had so many WOW! moments. My absolute favorite WOW! moment happened this Spring when I was watching a female cardinal sitting on a branch of my crape Myrtle tree. I was really close to the bird, sitting on my porch step of my townhouse and not daring to breathe. The indescribable joy of seeing the cardinal open its beak and hear the bird call out of its mouth. I will never forget that. Being able to actually connect the bird call to the cardinal and KNOW what that particular soundflavoring was like once I heard it.
Pure Joy. Pure, childlike joy.
Hearing is such a gift.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Hearing with a CI is still a process
It is the Christmas season once again. The Salvation Army Bell ringers were outside the grocery store ringing the bell. I could hear that bell from several feet away as I walked toward the store. I can still hear the grocery carts coming around an aisle and no, no collisions!
I also did some badly needed yard work in preparation for the winter. I cleared out the flower beds of debris, leaves, weeds and put down super fine mulch. I could hear birds but could not tell what kind of bird was calling. It wasn't a cardinal, that's for sure. I definitely know what a cardinal sounds like.
I have no issues recognizing music. Understanding singing on a CD, the radio is still a challenge. Speech discrimination without the aid of captioning is dicey. My brain has learned to tune out certain background noise.
My sound processor goes on just before I leave for work in the morning.
I am still amazed at how deaf I am when I take the sound processor off at night and recharge the battery.
I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant. But how that cochlear implant has changed my world. Big time!
Hearing is such a gift.
I also did some badly needed yard work in preparation for the winter. I cleared out the flower beds of debris, leaves, weeds and put down super fine mulch. I could hear birds but could not tell what kind of bird was calling. It wasn't a cardinal, that's for sure. I definitely know what a cardinal sounds like.
I have no issues recognizing music. Understanding singing on a CD, the radio is still a challenge. Speech discrimination without the aid of captioning is dicey. My brain has learned to tune out certain background noise.
My sound processor goes on just before I leave for work in the morning.
I am still amazed at how deaf I am when I take the sound processor off at night and recharge the battery.
I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant. But how that cochlear implant has changed my world. Big time!
Hearing is such a gift.
Friday, November 11, 2011
My One Year "Activation" Anniversary
Today was my one year activation anniversary. My one year anniversary, when I first heard with a cochlear implant for the first time. I returned to the cochlear clinic for my one year "tweaking" session. I had my hearing tested with the cochlear implant and I am right where I should be. The implant is doing everything it is supposed to be. I had my non-implanted ear tested and I am definitely a candidate for a second cochlear implant, this time in my right ear.
I went ahead and filled out the paperwork. The next step will be scheduling the date for the surgery. I am excited about getting my right ear implanted. I want to hear more. I want what I call "surround sound."
What a year it has been! I have literally had to learn to hear all over again. The technology of the cochlear implant is just phenomenal. I have heard birds, crickets and tree frogs.
Every night when I remove the sound processor and recharge the battery, I am stunned at how deaf I am. I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant, and I am amazed at how my world has changed. Life-changing doesn't even begin to describe it.
Yet every morning I attach a freshly charged battery to my sound processor, put the processor on and I hear again. I've gone from hearing people talk as if they are talking underwater to pretty much understandable speech. When I listen to music, the singing still sounds like some one is singing with a scratchy voice. And I haven't collided with anyone coming around a grocery aisle, because I can hear the wheels of the cart as it is coming around.
I don't miss straining to hear. I don't miss ill-fitting hearing aids and feedback from the ear molds.
Hearing is such a gift.
I went ahead and filled out the paperwork. The next step will be scheduling the date for the surgery. I am excited about getting my right ear implanted. I want to hear more. I want what I call "surround sound."
What a year it has been! I have literally had to learn to hear all over again. The technology of the cochlear implant is just phenomenal. I have heard birds, crickets and tree frogs.
Every night when I remove the sound processor and recharge the battery, I am stunned at how deaf I am. I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant, and I am amazed at how my world has changed. Life-changing doesn't even begin to describe it.
Yet every morning I attach a freshly charged battery to my sound processor, put the processor on and I hear again. I've gone from hearing people talk as if they are talking underwater to pretty much understandable speech. When I listen to music, the singing still sounds like some one is singing with a scratchy voice. And I haven't collided with anyone coming around a grocery aisle, because I can hear the wheels of the cart as it is coming around.
I don't miss straining to hear. I don't miss ill-fitting hearing aids and feedback from the ear molds.
Hearing is such a gift.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Dogs and Squeaky toys
As I mentioned in my last blog, I recently spent some time with my older sister on the West Coast. While visiting with my cousins, I met a so-called "weiner dog," a delightful dog named Mozart. He just loved to shower kisses on everyone, was a great lap dog, and loves squeaky toys. He was just precious.
I thought back to when my mother was still living about seven years ago, she had adopted a darling golden retriever named Ben. Ben was younger then, and loved squeaky toys, even though he was about three at the time. As I couldn't hear squeaky toys, my mother would say, "squeak," every time Ben came in the room with a squeaky toy. I would give Ben a squeaky toy as a gift for Christmas when he was younger.
Now, in 2011, one cochlear implant later, I smiled, knowing I could hear Mozart's squeaky toys every time he carried a toy to my sister, or to one of my cousins. It was a bittersweet moment - I can't call either one of my parents on the telephone and tell them about what new sound I've heard lately.
My father has been with the Angels a long time - 25 years ago, and my mother, joined the Angels nearly six years ago.
Ben is still with us - my older sister took Ben to live with her and her son after our mother died. He no longer plays with squeaky toys, and moves slowly, aging with arthritis, but he is still a sweet dog. I hadn't seen him since my mother died, but I think Ben remembered me, because he came up the stairs and slept by my bed that first night. Ben is probably around ten now. He likes to nap outside in the Indian Summer, his arthritic joints bathed in sunshine.
My parents would be just delighted. I know my sisters, friends are all delighted at how far I have come in my hearing journey. In two months it will be Christmas. I had not been activated long last Christmas, so it will be interesting to see what Christmas sounds I hear, nearly one year later.
Hearing is such a gift.
I thought back to when my mother was still living about seven years ago, she had adopted a darling golden retriever named Ben. Ben was younger then, and loved squeaky toys, even though he was about three at the time. As I couldn't hear squeaky toys, my mother would say, "squeak," every time Ben came in the room with a squeaky toy. I would give Ben a squeaky toy as a gift for Christmas when he was younger.
Now, in 2011, one cochlear implant later, I smiled, knowing I could hear Mozart's squeaky toys every time he carried a toy to my sister, or to one of my cousins. It was a bittersweet moment - I can't call either one of my parents on the telephone and tell them about what new sound I've heard lately.
My father has been with the Angels a long time - 25 years ago, and my mother, joined the Angels nearly six years ago.
Ben is still with us - my older sister took Ben to live with her and her son after our mother died. He no longer plays with squeaky toys, and moves slowly, aging with arthritis, but he is still a sweet dog. I hadn't seen him since my mother died, but I think Ben remembered me, because he came up the stairs and slept by my bed that first night. Ben is probably around ten now. He likes to nap outside in the Indian Summer, his arthritic joints bathed in sunshine.
My parents would be just delighted. I know my sisters, friends are all delighted at how far I have come in my hearing journey. In two months it will be Christmas. I had not been activated long last Christmas, so it will be interesting to see what Christmas sounds I hear, nearly one year later.
Hearing is such a gift.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
An Anniversary, A Poignant Visit and Reflections
Yesterday it was one year ago that I had cochlear implant surgery and my left ear implanted.
What a year it has been! I just spent six days on the West Coast - visiting my older sister and meeting two paternal first cousins for the first time. I also gave a talk at a meeting at my sister's home about what my year with a cochlear implant has been like.
I am still hearing new sounds, a year later. My older sister has an Apple Mac laptop, and when she would send an e-mail from her laptop, it made a "whooshing" sound. I also met some delightful people from the business community at my sister's home. Many greeted me as one would an old friend. My sister has talked about me and so many of her friends feel they know me. I could not have felt more loved or welcome.
My paternal grandmother gave birth to a son who my two sisters and I did not know was my father's half brother. My older sister and I were delighted to meet our paternal first cousins, as we thought most of the family on that side of the family had long since died. We told our stories and pored through pictures. My older sister, our cousins and I were able to identify shared family photographs and there was no mistaking the family resemblance. It was an emotional, joyous visit, meeting other extended family members, and getting to know each other. I wish my younger sister had been able to make the journey, but I know there will be other opportunities.
We paid a visit to a veteran's cemetery to pay our respects to a cousins' son who died in the First Gulf War. As there were no remains, there is just a marker. We all brought flowers. Our older cousin said her son had been a real family man and he would have been so happy we found each other.
I know this - my life has been enriched by this visit and hearing journey. I met an audiologist who gave a presentation of the particular implant I chose. My sister remarked later that she could tell the audiologist had a heart and passion for her work. I told my older sister that the entire cochlear implant community network had that same heart and passion for how life changing, enriching a cochlear implant can be.
I could not have envisioned what this hearing journey, the sound flavorings, would be like for me. It has been a wonderful blessing and I have made so many new friends. I am making plans to have my right ear implanted in the near future and look forward to what I call surround sound.
Last night before I left for the airport to return home, I had an interesting experience. A gentleman introduced himself and said that I could have been "helped" by a behind the ear hearing aid he had brought with him. He fitted it inside my right ear with a in the canal earmold. The ear mold wasn't custom made to my ear, but I could hear noises and amplification. What I didn't tell him, was that the gain in hearing with that behind the ear hearing aid was probably one-quarter of what I was hearing with the cochlear implant sound processor. The cochlear implant sound processor I wear far exceeded the fidelity, quality of sound of the behind the ear hearing aid I tried on for him.
That experience gave me a glimpse of what binaural cochlear implantation will be like: having a miniature bose stereo sound processor in each ear. The only way I can describe it is like this - an analogy I have used before - I am hearing in technicolor, high definition - HD. The quality of the cochlear implant sound processor far exceeds what amplification of a hearing aid is like.
I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant. It isn't brain surgery. The technology of this cochlear implant has truly enriched my life. I am looking forward to having my right ear implanted and experiencing more sound flavorings.
Hearing is such a gift.
What a year it has been! I just spent six days on the West Coast - visiting my older sister and meeting two paternal first cousins for the first time. I also gave a talk at a meeting at my sister's home about what my year with a cochlear implant has been like.
I am still hearing new sounds, a year later. My older sister has an Apple Mac laptop, and when she would send an e-mail from her laptop, it made a "whooshing" sound. I also met some delightful people from the business community at my sister's home. Many greeted me as one would an old friend. My sister has talked about me and so many of her friends feel they know me. I could not have felt more loved or welcome.
My paternal grandmother gave birth to a son who my two sisters and I did not know was my father's half brother. My older sister and I were delighted to meet our paternal first cousins, as we thought most of the family on that side of the family had long since died. We told our stories and pored through pictures. My older sister, our cousins and I were able to identify shared family photographs and there was no mistaking the family resemblance. It was an emotional, joyous visit, meeting other extended family members, and getting to know each other. I wish my younger sister had been able to make the journey, but I know there will be other opportunities.
We paid a visit to a veteran's cemetery to pay our respects to a cousins' son who died in the First Gulf War. As there were no remains, there is just a marker. We all brought flowers. Our older cousin said her son had been a real family man and he would have been so happy we found each other.
I know this - my life has been enriched by this visit and hearing journey. I met an audiologist who gave a presentation of the particular implant I chose. My sister remarked later that she could tell the audiologist had a heart and passion for her work. I told my older sister that the entire cochlear implant community network had that same heart and passion for how life changing, enriching a cochlear implant can be.
I could not have envisioned what this hearing journey, the sound flavorings, would be like for me. It has been a wonderful blessing and I have made so many new friends. I am making plans to have my right ear implanted in the near future and look forward to what I call surround sound.
Last night before I left for the airport to return home, I had an interesting experience. A gentleman introduced himself and said that I could have been "helped" by a behind the ear hearing aid he had brought with him. He fitted it inside my right ear with a in the canal earmold. The ear mold wasn't custom made to my ear, but I could hear noises and amplification. What I didn't tell him, was that the gain in hearing with that behind the ear hearing aid was probably one-quarter of what I was hearing with the cochlear implant sound processor. The cochlear implant sound processor I wear far exceeded the fidelity, quality of sound of the behind the ear hearing aid I tried on for him.
That experience gave me a glimpse of what binaural cochlear implantation will be like: having a miniature bose stereo sound processor in each ear. The only way I can describe it is like this - an analogy I have used before - I am hearing in technicolor, high definition - HD. The quality of the cochlear implant sound processor far exceeds what amplification of a hearing aid is like.
I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant. It isn't brain surgery. The technology of this cochlear implant has truly enriched my life. I am looking forward to having my right ear implanted and experiencing more sound flavorings.
Hearing is such a gift.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A birthday, an island, abundant sunshine and tree frogs
A good friend and I took a long weekend which had been planned and celebrated my birthday by leaving the country for a few days. We desperately needed a break from work and needed to recharge our batteries. We had never been to this small country before and were delighted with the weather, scenic views, abundant sunshine, great food, great drinks. We celebrated with a bottle of champagne on my birthday. We spent hours touring this country.
I had no issues with my cochlear implant or going through security. Another milestone. I was glad that I could travel with my sound processor, my travel case containing the rechargeable battery charger with the interchangeable plugs without issues. I had a few challenging moments in noisy restaurants but nothing like my hearing aid days. I'm progressing nicely, I think. My confidence in using the sound processor is getting better. I'm not afraid to experiment with the settings and try different things.
I heard what I thought were birds chirping. My friend said the chirping was actually tree frogs going, "Beep"! and replicated the sound for me. After my friend did that, I focused on the sound and listened. The tree frogs sounded just like my friend described to me.
It was a fun long weekend, with lots of laughter, good times, and much needed relaxation. We spent our last night relaxing in the hotel pools - first a chlorinated pool and then a saltwater pool. I liked the saltwater pool best. The water was warm in the evening, and really relaxing. I reluctantly returned to work on Tuesday.
Hearing is such a gift.
I had no issues with my cochlear implant or going through security. Another milestone. I was glad that I could travel with my sound processor, my travel case containing the rechargeable battery charger with the interchangeable plugs without issues. I had a few challenging moments in noisy restaurants but nothing like my hearing aid days. I'm progressing nicely, I think. My confidence in using the sound processor is getting better. I'm not afraid to experiment with the settings and try different things.
I heard what I thought were birds chirping. My friend said the chirping was actually tree frogs going, "Beep"! and replicated the sound for me. After my friend did that, I focused on the sound and listened. The tree frogs sounded just like my friend described to me.
It was a fun long weekend, with lots of laughter, good times, and much needed relaxation. We spent our last night relaxing in the hotel pools - first a chlorinated pool and then a saltwater pool. I liked the saltwater pool best. The water was warm in the evening, and really relaxing. I reluctantly returned to work on Tuesday.
Hearing is such a gift.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A Vineyard, Wine tasting and some "unplugged" music!
Last Saturday I went with some friends to a local vineyard for some wine tasting and good music. This was the first time I had been to a "live" music performance post-cochlear implant involving two professional musical artists. We brought picnic food and had ourselves a good time! All work and no play had made me cranky and I just absolutely had to get out of the house and have some fun!
I set my cochlear sound processor on "quiet." The music was definitely loud by my definition because I could feel the music of the electric guitar on the floor, through the speakers, and up my back. "Loudness" with a cochlear implant and a sound processor isn't painfully loud, just noisy. Still, I could tell when the music got cranked up a bit. When one musician invited a woman from the audience to sing a song along with him, she did, and both did a great job of it. For the first time post-cochlear implant, I heard most of the lyrics and their voices did NOT sound scratchy!!! I also had my picture taken with this musician and told him about my cochlear implant and that it was the first time I had heard his music with it. He was delighted.
What a breakthrough! I have had no difficulty picking out sounds of musical instruments from the beginning of activation day, but hearing and understanding lyrics has been a challenge without being prompted by captioning or reading the lyric sheet of a CD.
I now see what my online cochlear implanted veterans are talking about when suggesting turning UP the music or the volume control on the sound processor. It does make a difference in processing and understanding speech.
As for the wine? All of the wines were delicious. I was delighted. I also thought it was terrific to offer wine tastings with live entertainment. The vineyard hasn't been in business long, but I don't know of any other vineyard that offers live entertainment venues along with wine tasting. What a novel idea!
I am not yet completely deaf in my non-implanted ear, but I did notice the residual hearing is going fast. Both of my BTE hearing aids have died (they were nine years old). My one year
"earversary" (anniversary) will be October 12th. I will have my one year "tweaking" session in November at the Cochlear Implant Clinic. I am also going to have an audiogram of my right ear done and begin planning for cochlear implantation of my right ear sometime next year. A good friend told me that when I have my right ear implanted and activated, she will take me to a symphony. I think I'd like that.
I can't wait for what I call "surround sound"! It really will be like having a miniature BOSE stereo receiver in both of my ears!!!
I still like heavy metal music. I love feeling the thrumming of the bass guitars, the rhythm, the beat. I like a good guitar riff and a great drum solo anytime. I'm still a rock n' roll girl at heart...!
That doesn't mean I'm closed minded to listening to a live symphony or an opera. Not at all. I have already been to one live musical, which was "Wicked"! I would go see it again.
What an amazing 11 months it has been. It indeed has been sound flavorings anew, as well as hearing some new sounds. I'm still hungry for more.
Hearing with a cochlear implant is such a gift.
I set my cochlear sound processor on "quiet." The music was definitely loud by my definition because I could feel the music of the electric guitar on the floor, through the speakers, and up my back. "Loudness" with a cochlear implant and a sound processor isn't painfully loud, just noisy. Still, I could tell when the music got cranked up a bit. When one musician invited a woman from the audience to sing a song along with him, she did, and both did a great job of it. For the first time post-cochlear implant, I heard most of the lyrics and their voices did NOT sound scratchy!!! I also had my picture taken with this musician and told him about my cochlear implant and that it was the first time I had heard his music with it. He was delighted.
What a breakthrough! I have had no difficulty picking out sounds of musical instruments from the beginning of activation day, but hearing and understanding lyrics has been a challenge without being prompted by captioning or reading the lyric sheet of a CD.
I now see what my online cochlear implanted veterans are talking about when suggesting turning UP the music or the volume control on the sound processor. It does make a difference in processing and understanding speech.
As for the wine? All of the wines were delicious. I was delighted. I also thought it was terrific to offer wine tastings with live entertainment. The vineyard hasn't been in business long, but I don't know of any other vineyard that offers live entertainment venues along with wine tasting. What a novel idea!
I am not yet completely deaf in my non-implanted ear, but I did notice the residual hearing is going fast. Both of my BTE hearing aids have died (they were nine years old). My one year
"earversary" (anniversary) will be October 12th. I will have my one year "tweaking" session in November at the Cochlear Implant Clinic. I am also going to have an audiogram of my right ear done and begin planning for cochlear implantation of my right ear sometime next year. A good friend told me that when I have my right ear implanted and activated, she will take me to a symphony. I think I'd like that.
I can't wait for what I call "surround sound"! It really will be like having a miniature BOSE stereo receiver in both of my ears!!!
I still like heavy metal music. I love feeling the thrumming of the bass guitars, the rhythm, the beat. I like a good guitar riff and a great drum solo anytime. I'm still a rock n' roll girl at heart...!
That doesn't mean I'm closed minded to listening to a live symphony or an opera. Not at all. I have already been to one live musical, which was "Wicked"! I would go see it again.
What an amazing 11 months it has been. It indeed has been sound flavorings anew, as well as hearing some new sounds. I'm still hungry for more.
Hearing with a cochlear implant is such a gift.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
A loss, a journey, a family gathering, and some surprises
A much beloved Uncle by marriage passed away August 29th. He had battled multiple myeloma for nearly two and a half years, and was 83 years old when he died. My two sisters, a nephew, and I flew out separately down South last Thursday to remember and honor him. This was my first trip on an airplane post cochlear implant. I walked through the metal detectors at the airport and no alarms blared or flashed. I carried my cochlear implant travel case with my battery charger and electric cord with interchangeable plugs and placed that travel case to be screened through the x-ray machine. Nobody asked for my medical implant ID card. I admit this was a source of anxiety for me despite being reassured by cochlear implant veterans that flying shouldn't be an issue with a cochlear implant. To my relief, it wasn't, and that was one less thing to worry about.
After landing at my destination, I picked up my rental SUV and drove the 40 minutes to my Aunt's house. She was glad to see me and we visited a while before I left for my cousin's house to change clothes and get ready for the visitation. I last saw my Aunt and Uncle last July, 2010. I had visited my aunt and uncle for a weekend last summer to celebrate my Aunt's 80th birthday - a surprise visit on my part.
Thinking I knew where the funeral home was, I had neglected to look for landmarks - and drove right past it. I stopped at a convenience store and asked for directions to the funeral home, knowing I had missed it.
The convenience store clerk immediately recognized I was deaf and simultaneously signed and spoke to me. So much for passing as a hearing person with a cochlear implant. Not happening! I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant!
That should satisfy the Deafies who think I am no longer "Deaf" because I have a cochlear implant. The Hearing World still views me as deaf, and I didn't even identify myself to the convenience store clerk as a deaf person. Go Figure.
Once at the funeral home, there was a long line of people waiting to greet my Aunt and my cousins, their wives and my Uncle and Aunt's three grand children. I walked up and saw the mother in law of one of my cousins. We greeted each other and hugged. The gathering was a bit noisy, but I could pretty much follow the conversation and respond appropriately. I saw one of my now retired Freshman English Professors from the University, and we hugged and talked. I showed her my cochlear implant sound processor and explained how it worked and how life changing it has been for me. I saw old neighbors and friends and we talked. My younger sister came in, and we hugged.
Our older sister arrived that night with her son, in from the West Coast at 1:30 AM Friday morning. My cousin, his wife and my sisters stayed up talking until around 5 AM. Knowing there was a 11:00 AM memorial service at church, I gave up and turned into bed around 2 AM.
Friday morning we all got up, dressed and went to church. My Uncle and Aunt's three grandchildren spoke of what they remembered of their beloved Papa, and I had absolutely no trouble hearing them. I had no difficulty understanding the pastor's homily nor the singing of the choir. I heard the music for the first time post implant, and to my surprise, it didn't sound the way I "remembered" it. I had to remind myself that hearing aids had amplified sound of a piano, organ, other musical instrument, and what I was hearing was at "normal" volume.
After the service, we went downstairs for refreshments which the church family had prepared for us, and I mingled around. I had no difficulty in carrying on conversations. We said our good byes and I drove to my cousin's house, ditched the church clothes for bare feet, shorts and a shirt. Later, one of my friends from deaf school days came by and I showed her my cochlear implant sound processor and explained how it worked. She was delighted for me.
Later, sitting with my family, Aunt, cousins, second cousins, outside that evening, I could hear the fire in the fire pit, the logs snapping, crackling, popping. I heard the cascading waterfall of the pool. I had asked one of my cousins earlier if the chirping noise were birds. He said he didn't think so.
The next night, I heard the chirping again, and told my younger sister, who told me that the chirping noises were crickets! She said it was a relaxing sound, and I said I didn't know if it was relaxing, but I was glad she identified the chirping sound for me! I could understand snatches of the conversation as the evening got dark, but still missed some of what was said. I decided to just focus on listening as auditory training. Still, when I think what my journey has been like for nearly ten months, it has been simply amazing. From first hearing voices as sounding like people were talking underwater, to understanding speech to scratchy singing, that's pretty good!
I am not yet at the point where I can fully understand a phone conversation without the aid of captioning or use a cell phone. I can definitely hear a person talking on a cell phone from a distance, but I cannot fully comprehend speech a hundred percent. I haven't yet tried out a cell phone to see if I can understand the conversation.
I hear airport announcements at the airport, but cannot fully comprehend what is being said. I still have to ask for clarification if I do not understand something. I can understand the flight attendants announce the boarding when a person holds up that mike thing with a cord. I can even understand part of the safety drill being spoken several rows down from the flight attendant, and that's progress.
We all reluctantly said our good byes and returned home. We all returned to work. When I was leaving the subway station earlier this evening, I could hear a musical instrument over the noise of home bound commuters and the road noise. As I approached the exit, I realized I was hearing a small harp being played by a young woman. I paused and listened and could pick out high to low sounds from that harp.
What a unexpected treat!
After landing at my destination, I picked up my rental SUV and drove the 40 minutes to my Aunt's house. She was glad to see me and we visited a while before I left for my cousin's house to change clothes and get ready for the visitation. I last saw my Aunt and Uncle last July, 2010. I had visited my aunt and uncle for a weekend last summer to celebrate my Aunt's 80th birthday - a surprise visit on my part.
Thinking I knew where the funeral home was, I had neglected to look for landmarks - and drove right past it. I stopped at a convenience store and asked for directions to the funeral home, knowing I had missed it.
The convenience store clerk immediately recognized I was deaf and simultaneously signed and spoke to me. So much for passing as a hearing person with a cochlear implant. Not happening! I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant!
That should satisfy the Deafies who think I am no longer "Deaf" because I have a cochlear implant. The Hearing World still views me as deaf, and I didn't even identify myself to the convenience store clerk as a deaf person. Go Figure.
Once at the funeral home, there was a long line of people waiting to greet my Aunt and my cousins, their wives and my Uncle and Aunt's three grand children. I walked up and saw the mother in law of one of my cousins. We greeted each other and hugged. The gathering was a bit noisy, but I could pretty much follow the conversation and respond appropriately. I saw one of my now retired Freshman English Professors from the University, and we hugged and talked. I showed her my cochlear implant sound processor and explained how it worked and how life changing it has been for me. I saw old neighbors and friends and we talked. My younger sister came in, and we hugged.
Our older sister arrived that night with her son, in from the West Coast at 1:30 AM Friday morning. My cousin, his wife and my sisters stayed up talking until around 5 AM. Knowing there was a 11:00 AM memorial service at church, I gave up and turned into bed around 2 AM.
Friday morning we all got up, dressed and went to church. My Uncle and Aunt's three grandchildren spoke of what they remembered of their beloved Papa, and I had absolutely no trouble hearing them. I had no difficulty understanding the pastor's homily nor the singing of the choir. I heard the music for the first time post implant, and to my surprise, it didn't sound the way I "remembered" it. I had to remind myself that hearing aids had amplified sound of a piano, organ, other musical instrument, and what I was hearing was at "normal" volume.
After the service, we went downstairs for refreshments which the church family had prepared for us, and I mingled around. I had no difficulty in carrying on conversations. We said our good byes and I drove to my cousin's house, ditched the church clothes for bare feet, shorts and a shirt. Later, one of my friends from deaf school days came by and I showed her my cochlear implant sound processor and explained how it worked. She was delighted for me.
Later, sitting with my family, Aunt, cousins, second cousins, outside that evening, I could hear the fire in the fire pit, the logs snapping, crackling, popping. I heard the cascading waterfall of the pool. I had asked one of my cousins earlier if the chirping noise were birds. He said he didn't think so.
The next night, I heard the chirping again, and told my younger sister, who told me that the chirping noises were crickets! She said it was a relaxing sound, and I said I didn't know if it was relaxing, but I was glad she identified the chirping sound for me! I could understand snatches of the conversation as the evening got dark, but still missed some of what was said. I decided to just focus on listening as auditory training. Still, when I think what my journey has been like for nearly ten months, it has been simply amazing. From first hearing voices as sounding like people were talking underwater, to understanding speech to scratchy singing, that's pretty good!
I am not yet at the point where I can fully understand a phone conversation without the aid of captioning or use a cell phone. I can definitely hear a person talking on a cell phone from a distance, but I cannot fully comprehend speech a hundred percent. I haven't yet tried out a cell phone to see if I can understand the conversation.
I hear airport announcements at the airport, but cannot fully comprehend what is being said. I still have to ask for clarification if I do not understand something. I can understand the flight attendants announce the boarding when a person holds up that mike thing with a cord. I can even understand part of the safety drill being spoken several rows down from the flight attendant, and that's progress.
We all reluctantly said our good byes and returned home. We all returned to work. When I was leaving the subway station earlier this evening, I could hear a musical instrument over the noise of home bound commuters and the road noise. As I approached the exit, I realized I was hearing a small harp being played by a young woman. I paused and listened and could pick out high to low sounds from that harp.
What a unexpected treat!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Introductions
Someone recently raised the question on a social network page whether to identify oneself as a Cochlear Implant (CI) user or as a deaf person. Well, that intrigued me, so I gave the question some thought. I did introduce myself in college as being deaf and someone who spoke and lipread. I explained my limitations in the classroom. But in a social situation? No, I always say, "Hello, I'm Mindy," and leave it at that. I also have explained my limitations in the workplace.
As I have been deaf since I was a toddler, people figure out pretty quickly that I am deaf. I am a CI user who just happens to be deaf. For someone who was deafened later in life, as a teenager, adult or senior citizen who has what I call "hearing memory," there may be no need to identify yourself as a person who is deaf. Being deaf is an invisible disability. I agree with that.
I still am deaf when I take off my sound processor at night, or when I shower or bathe, or go to sleep.
I think it is a matter of personal choice whether one wants to identify himself or herself as a person with a hearing disability. I may do that if I am in a noisy situation.
Another reminder that I live in a hearing world.
Hearing is such a gift, noisy or not.
As I have been deaf since I was a toddler, people figure out pretty quickly that I am deaf. I am a CI user who just happens to be deaf. For someone who was deafened later in life, as a teenager, adult or senior citizen who has what I call "hearing memory," there may be no need to identify yourself as a person who is deaf. Being deaf is an invisible disability. I agree with that.
I still am deaf when I take off my sound processor at night, or when I shower or bathe, or go to sleep.
I think it is a matter of personal choice whether one wants to identify himself or herself as a person with a hearing disability. I may do that if I am in a noisy situation.
Another reminder that I live in a hearing world.
Hearing is such a gift, noisy or not.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The Test of Time
I went on line last night, and on the spur of the moment, decided to search the Internet to see if my pre-school of deaf school days in the South still existed. It is still there, after all these years. The school is sixty-three years old today. It was there my parents learned of yet another school in the Midwest, from pre-kindergarten through Grade 12, one that was founded even earlier than my old pre-school of deaf school days.
I owe a tremendous debt to these two schools for the deaf - both of which promote oral education, the use of hearing aids, other auxiliary aids, cochlear implants, speech, lipreading, elementary school subjects, and literacy. These schools laid the foundation for me to successfully communicate using my voice, by lipreading and usage of hearing aids in a hearing world.
Like it or not, we live in a world where people hear. My parents, bless their souls, being hearing, wanted what they thought was best for me. I have said over and over, I am so grateful they did. I was blessed in that I was able to utilize hearing aids, learned to lipread, speak and succeed. Once I was mainstreamed into public schools with hearing students, I never returned to a school for the deaf. I graduated from a high school with hearing peers, I graduated from a university in the South with a bachelor's and masters' degree, also with hearing students.
I think it is telling that deaf schools which promote oral education have stood the test of time while many state schools for the deaf which promoted sign language no longer exist. There's a lot to be said for that.
Here's my pet peeve with the Audism Movement. All this talk about cultural genocide and forcing cochlear implants on infants without their consent suggests that hearing mothers and fathers are not "fit" parents. Here's the flip side of the coin: what if Hearing Society decided today that all deaf men and women who are of childbearing age should be sterilized so they won't have deaf babies?
Imagine the outrage. The American Civil Liberties Union would be all over this. Some of us remember when people of color and people who were mentally challenged WERE sterilized without their consent or knowledge so they wouldn't have children.
It is absolutely devastating to a hearing adult to suddenly lose his or her hearing. That hearing adult has hearing memory, and remembers what it is like to have "normal hearing." It is only natural that hearing parents, upon learning they have a deaf child are devastated. Think about it. Hearing is all they KNOW. They don't have a clue of what deafness is other than the fact that their child cannot hear.
Most parents, whether they have a disability or not, want what is best for their child. Who has the right to label them [hearing parents] as "unfit" or deserving to have their genitalia cut off if they "force" their babies to be implanted with cochlear implants, or, if they cannot afford the cochlear implants, to use hearing aids, and to learn to speak, lipread? I haven't heard of an infant or child being killed with a cochlear implant. Certainly there are risks, there is risk with any surgery, even dental surgery.
If that deaf child does poorly with hearing aids, is not a good lipreader nor speaks coherently or well, then sign language is a better option. One caveat: If you are a hearing parent, are reading this, and are feeling like a failure because your deaf child is not successful in speaking, lipreading, hearing aid usage, DON'T. You did what you thought was best, now move on.
Not all deaf people are successful in speaking, lipreading or in using hearing aids. That's okay. That's really okay, and you are not a failure.
Just don't crucify the hearing parents if they choose for their deaf child, an oral education, hearing aids, cochlear implants, and immersion into hearing society. They feel guilty enough for giving birth to a child, in their eyes, that is less than perfect.
There are many of us who are deaf who were born before cochlear implants even existed. We have paid dearly just because we ARE deaf. We have been treated differently. People have wrongly assumed we cannot communicate as well as Hearing Society, whether it be by means of the written word, speech or sign language. Should we go on in life carrying a chip on our shoulder against Hearing Society because of real or imagined wrongs against us? What is the point in that?
I honestly believe that one day cochlear implants will be covered by all private health insurance - 80% to 90% coverage, and that cochlear implants will be affordable for all who qualify for a cochlear implant or two.
I am delighted there are deaf cochlear implant recipients who, after being implanted as babies or toddlers, are now medical doctors and dentists, lawyers. Cochlear implants have afforded these people a level playing field with their hearing peers, especially when it comes to having skill sets that are in demand in today's labor market, and salaries commensurate with the hearing workforce.
While I am not a doctor or a lawyer, I have succeeded, and continue to succeed, in Hearing Society. Having a cochlear implant, has broadened my horizons, and I am anxious for more. Hearing is such a gift and a blessing. My successes have been a long time in coming, which is why I don't take success for granted. Thank God for all that auditory training, the rhythm classes, the endless speech therapy, the hearing tests, the hearing aid fitting, more hearing aids over time, the tutoring, all the volunteers who took notes for me in classes as my hearing continued to deteriorate. Having parents and family who were dedicated to seeing me succeed was crucial. All this set the foundation for my successful eight month old journey as a cochlear implant recipient.
Just goes to say you CAN teach an older dog new tricks!
I owe a tremendous debt to these two schools for the deaf - both of which promote oral education, the use of hearing aids, other auxiliary aids, cochlear implants, speech, lipreading, elementary school subjects, and literacy. These schools laid the foundation for me to successfully communicate using my voice, by lipreading and usage of hearing aids in a hearing world.
Like it or not, we live in a world where people hear. My parents, bless their souls, being hearing, wanted what they thought was best for me. I have said over and over, I am so grateful they did. I was blessed in that I was able to utilize hearing aids, learned to lipread, speak and succeed. Once I was mainstreamed into public schools with hearing students, I never returned to a school for the deaf. I graduated from a high school with hearing peers, I graduated from a university in the South with a bachelor's and masters' degree, also with hearing students.
I think it is telling that deaf schools which promote oral education have stood the test of time while many state schools for the deaf which promoted sign language no longer exist. There's a lot to be said for that.
Here's my pet peeve with the Audism Movement. All this talk about cultural genocide and forcing cochlear implants on infants without their consent suggests that hearing mothers and fathers are not "fit" parents. Here's the flip side of the coin: what if Hearing Society decided today that all deaf men and women who are of childbearing age should be sterilized so they won't have deaf babies?
Imagine the outrage. The American Civil Liberties Union would be all over this. Some of us remember when people of color and people who were mentally challenged WERE sterilized without their consent or knowledge so they wouldn't have children.
It is absolutely devastating to a hearing adult to suddenly lose his or her hearing. That hearing adult has hearing memory, and remembers what it is like to have "normal hearing." It is only natural that hearing parents, upon learning they have a deaf child are devastated. Think about it. Hearing is all they KNOW. They don't have a clue of what deafness is other than the fact that their child cannot hear.
Most parents, whether they have a disability or not, want what is best for their child. Who has the right to label them [hearing parents] as "unfit" or deserving to have their genitalia cut off if they "force" their babies to be implanted with cochlear implants, or, if they cannot afford the cochlear implants, to use hearing aids, and to learn to speak, lipread? I haven't heard of an infant or child being killed with a cochlear implant. Certainly there are risks, there is risk with any surgery, even dental surgery.
If that deaf child does poorly with hearing aids, is not a good lipreader nor speaks coherently or well, then sign language is a better option. One caveat: If you are a hearing parent, are reading this, and are feeling like a failure because your deaf child is not successful in speaking, lipreading, hearing aid usage, DON'T. You did what you thought was best, now move on.
Not all deaf people are successful in speaking, lipreading or in using hearing aids. That's okay. That's really okay, and you are not a failure.
Just don't crucify the hearing parents if they choose for their deaf child, an oral education, hearing aids, cochlear implants, and immersion into hearing society. They feel guilty enough for giving birth to a child, in their eyes, that is less than perfect.
There are many of us who are deaf who were born before cochlear implants even existed. We have paid dearly just because we ARE deaf. We have been treated differently. People have wrongly assumed we cannot communicate as well as Hearing Society, whether it be by means of the written word, speech or sign language. Should we go on in life carrying a chip on our shoulder against Hearing Society because of real or imagined wrongs against us? What is the point in that?
I honestly believe that one day cochlear implants will be covered by all private health insurance - 80% to 90% coverage, and that cochlear implants will be affordable for all who qualify for a cochlear implant or two.
I am delighted there are deaf cochlear implant recipients who, after being implanted as babies or toddlers, are now medical doctors and dentists, lawyers. Cochlear implants have afforded these people a level playing field with their hearing peers, especially when it comes to having skill sets that are in demand in today's labor market, and salaries commensurate with the hearing workforce.
While I am not a doctor or a lawyer, I have succeeded, and continue to succeed, in Hearing Society. Having a cochlear implant, has broadened my horizons, and I am anxious for more. Hearing is such a gift and a blessing. My successes have been a long time in coming, which is why I don't take success for granted. Thank God for all that auditory training, the rhythm classes, the endless speech therapy, the hearing tests, the hearing aid fitting, more hearing aids over time, the tutoring, all the volunteers who took notes for me in classes as my hearing continued to deteriorate. Having parents and family who were dedicated to seeing me succeed was crucial. All this set the foundation for my successful eight month old journey as a cochlear implant recipient.
Just goes to say you CAN teach an older dog new tricks!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Ignorance, Bias and Fear
There's a new show on the ABC Family Channel. It's called "Switched at Birth." There were some inaccuracies on that show about cochlear implants - that cochlear implants was "brain surgery." Well, excuse me, my surgeon didn't cut into my brain to implant the cochlear implant. The surgical incision was directly behind my left ear.
It has been more than nine months since I had my cochlear implant surgery, eight months since the implant was turned on. I'm still deaf. I'm a deaf person with a cochlear implant. I like the show, "Switched at Birth," but I wish the producers had gotten their facts straight before airing that episode in which Daphne's mother says getting a cochlear implant is brain surgery. Some producers will do anything for ratings. Still, "Switched at Birth" is a good show and I enjoy watching it.
I've never been a parent. I am the only deaf relative in my family. My siblings are hearing. My nieces and nephews are hearing. I speak and lipread. My attempts at signing and fingerspelling is that of a five year old. I admit to being just abysmal at sign language - especially fingerspelling.
Not everybody can speak and lipread coherently, I'll be the first person to say that. I was reading a social network page, and on that page there was a comment from someone from deaf school days who suggested that hearing parents who force cochlear implants on deaf babies without their consent should have their "private parts' cut off.
I thought about that comment for a moment. It saddened me. Then I thought about how much joy I get from hearing with a cochlear implant, and immediately my spirits lifted.
The last eight months have been so life-altering it is hard for me to put it in words.
I have made new friends. I have more energy now, because I don't have to work so hard to lipread. I am no longer so physically drained from the work challenges in my office, that I go home and sleep for 13 hours straight.
I was already at the point where hearing aids were not helping me as far as understanding speech. Last April 2010, I tested within the physical limits of the audiogram. I am not a deaf person who grew up with deaf culture. My world, for the most part, has been in a hearing world. I am still the only deaf person in my immediate office.
What I have come to understand over time, is that people who are deaf can be just as biased as someone who is a minority. You know it when someone says, "You are not black enough because you are trying too hard to be white." Well, there are deaf people who would reject me as being "Deaf," because my first language is not Sign Language, I speak, lipread, wore hearing aids from age two and a half until eight months ago. I can no more "hide" being deaf than someone with a dark complexion can hide his or her color.
I am too deaf for that. If I were what hearing society calls "hard of hearing," then yeah, I could fake being a hearing person for a while until someone figured it out.
My hearing journey has not been easy. Hearing with a cochlear implant as a deaf adult is challenging. Not wearing a hearing aid in my non-implanted ear for the last eight months was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I put on my hearing aid in my right ear for about a week last month. Right away I could tell the difference in the fidelity of my ancient nine year old behind the ear hearing aid and the fidelity, quality of sound with the cochlear implant. The quality of sound with the hearing aid was very poor compared with the quality of sound with the cochlear implant. I took the hearing aid off and haven't put it back in since.
Bias comes from ignorance. People tend to be afraid of what they don't know. I think a lot of deaf people fear a cochlear implant because they are afraid somehow that a cochlear implant will make them less "Deaf." Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant. The cochlear implant did not "cure" my deafness. I am still deaf when I take off the sound processor at night and recharge the battery. I still depend on a dawn simulator lamp to wake me up in the morning. I still rely on visual cues, probably because people who have been deafened at a young age tend to be very visual.
I am not to the point where I can talk on the telephone without the aid of captioning. While I can now understand words and some complete sentences, it is more challenging to hear speech in a noisy environment. I still use a data only Blackberry. The process of hearing with a cochlear implant is exactly that, a process. I will get a cell phone when I am confident I can hear and fully understand speech over a cell phone.
The decision to get a cochlear implant was very personal for me. It was a decision that was totally 100% mine.
I would never force a cochlear implant on anyone who didn't want a cochlear implant. I still plan on having my right ear implanted when the time and circumstances are right. My friends who have cochlear implants in both ears tell me it is like stereo "surround sound."
Now that I have had my cochlear implant for nine months, I want to hear more. As for being 100% deaf after implantation? With my left ear, I had the cochlear implant done in what audiologists call my "worst" ear. I had so little residual hearing left in that ear, I didn't miss it.
I can only speak for what is my own truth, what is real for me.
I would be a liar if I said that I had never been hurt, experienced discrimination because of my deafness. I have never had an issue with being deaf. NEVER. What I have had issues with, is how people perceive my ability to be successful in a hearing world BECAUSE I am deaf.
My older sister said to me recently, that she didn't fathom how deaf I was until I described in a earlier blog that with the cochlear implant, I could hear myself typing on the computer keyboard. That just blew her mind, and it was a real aha! moment for my sister.
There was a co-worker, who has since left my organization, who once told me that shaking my head "yes," in a meeting made me "look stupid," and that I would be "better off," if I didn't shake my head, "yes." Being hearing, the fool didn't have a clue that my nodding my head, "yes," was a perfectly natural, visual reaction for a deaf person. I just simply told him I would take his "constructive criticism" into consideration. That seemed to please him and he left my office. I remember shaking my head at this person's idiocy.
Certainly I have been treated differently because of my deafness. ABSOLUTELY. That still hasn't changed because I have a cochlear implant. As soon as I start talking, people recognize that I am not hearing. Again, I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant.
I am NOT going to use my deafness as my personal platform to impose upon people about what I think somebody should do. My deafness doesn't define who I am as a person. It never has.
A cochlear implant hasn't magically made my challenges as a deaf person go away. What a cochlear implant has done for me, it has greatly improved my quality of life. I feel like I am hearing in High Definition. People talk about how High Definition Flat Screen TV has really enhanced their television viewing. Well, I'm hearing in technicolor, high definition and stereo!
Well that's my sermon for this Sunday!
It has been more than nine months since I had my cochlear implant surgery, eight months since the implant was turned on. I'm still deaf. I'm a deaf person with a cochlear implant. I like the show, "Switched at Birth," but I wish the producers had gotten their facts straight before airing that episode in which Daphne's mother says getting a cochlear implant is brain surgery. Some producers will do anything for ratings. Still, "Switched at Birth" is a good show and I enjoy watching it.
I've never been a parent. I am the only deaf relative in my family. My siblings are hearing. My nieces and nephews are hearing. I speak and lipread. My attempts at signing and fingerspelling is that of a five year old. I admit to being just abysmal at sign language - especially fingerspelling.
Not everybody can speak and lipread coherently, I'll be the first person to say that. I was reading a social network page, and on that page there was a comment from someone from deaf school days who suggested that hearing parents who force cochlear implants on deaf babies without their consent should have their "private parts' cut off.
I thought about that comment for a moment. It saddened me. Then I thought about how much joy I get from hearing with a cochlear implant, and immediately my spirits lifted.
The last eight months have been so life-altering it is hard for me to put it in words.
I have made new friends. I have more energy now, because I don't have to work so hard to lipread. I am no longer so physically drained from the work challenges in my office, that I go home and sleep for 13 hours straight.
I was already at the point where hearing aids were not helping me as far as understanding speech. Last April 2010, I tested within the physical limits of the audiogram. I am not a deaf person who grew up with deaf culture. My world, for the most part, has been in a hearing world. I am still the only deaf person in my immediate office.
What I have come to understand over time, is that people who are deaf can be just as biased as someone who is a minority. You know it when someone says, "You are not black enough because you are trying too hard to be white." Well, there are deaf people who would reject me as being "Deaf," because my first language is not Sign Language, I speak, lipread, wore hearing aids from age two and a half until eight months ago. I can no more "hide" being deaf than someone with a dark complexion can hide his or her color.
I am too deaf for that. If I were what hearing society calls "hard of hearing," then yeah, I could fake being a hearing person for a while until someone figured it out.
My hearing journey has not been easy. Hearing with a cochlear implant as a deaf adult is challenging. Not wearing a hearing aid in my non-implanted ear for the last eight months was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I put on my hearing aid in my right ear for about a week last month. Right away I could tell the difference in the fidelity of my ancient nine year old behind the ear hearing aid and the fidelity, quality of sound with the cochlear implant. The quality of sound with the hearing aid was very poor compared with the quality of sound with the cochlear implant. I took the hearing aid off and haven't put it back in since.
Bias comes from ignorance. People tend to be afraid of what they don't know. I think a lot of deaf people fear a cochlear implant because they are afraid somehow that a cochlear implant will make them less "Deaf." Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant. The cochlear implant did not "cure" my deafness. I am still deaf when I take off the sound processor at night and recharge the battery. I still depend on a dawn simulator lamp to wake me up in the morning. I still rely on visual cues, probably because people who have been deafened at a young age tend to be very visual.
I am not to the point where I can talk on the telephone without the aid of captioning. While I can now understand words and some complete sentences, it is more challenging to hear speech in a noisy environment. I still use a data only Blackberry. The process of hearing with a cochlear implant is exactly that, a process. I will get a cell phone when I am confident I can hear and fully understand speech over a cell phone.
The decision to get a cochlear implant was very personal for me. It was a decision that was totally 100% mine.
I would never force a cochlear implant on anyone who didn't want a cochlear implant. I still plan on having my right ear implanted when the time and circumstances are right. My friends who have cochlear implants in both ears tell me it is like stereo "surround sound."
Now that I have had my cochlear implant for nine months, I want to hear more. As for being 100% deaf after implantation? With my left ear, I had the cochlear implant done in what audiologists call my "worst" ear. I had so little residual hearing left in that ear, I didn't miss it.
I can only speak for what is my own truth, what is real for me.
I would be a liar if I said that I had never been hurt, experienced discrimination because of my deafness. I have never had an issue with being deaf. NEVER. What I have had issues with, is how people perceive my ability to be successful in a hearing world BECAUSE I am deaf.
My older sister said to me recently, that she didn't fathom how deaf I was until I described in a earlier blog that with the cochlear implant, I could hear myself typing on the computer keyboard. That just blew her mind, and it was a real aha! moment for my sister.
There was a co-worker, who has since left my organization, who once told me that shaking my head "yes," in a meeting made me "look stupid," and that I would be "better off," if I didn't shake my head, "yes." Being hearing, the fool didn't have a clue that my nodding my head, "yes," was a perfectly natural, visual reaction for a deaf person. I just simply told him I would take his "constructive criticism" into consideration. That seemed to please him and he left my office. I remember shaking my head at this person's idiocy.
Certainly I have been treated differently because of my deafness. ABSOLUTELY. That still hasn't changed because I have a cochlear implant. As soon as I start talking, people recognize that I am not hearing. Again, I am still a deaf person with a cochlear implant.
I am NOT going to use my deafness as my personal platform to impose upon people about what I think somebody should do. My deafness doesn't define who I am as a person. It never has.
A cochlear implant hasn't magically made my challenges as a deaf person go away. What a cochlear implant has done for me, it has greatly improved my quality of life. I feel like I am hearing in High Definition. People talk about how High Definition Flat Screen TV has really enhanced their television viewing. Well, I'm hearing in technicolor, high definition and stereo!
Well that's my sermon for this Sunday!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
An Awesome Three Days
This has been an awesome three days. I attended a national convention of an organization for people with hearing loss. I finally met my Cochlear Implant Mentor in person. I also met the audiologist who works for the company that manufactures my Cochlear Implant, and introduced me to my mentor. I also met some of my online friends who are Cochlear Implant Veterans. It was wonderful to meet these people and meet folks from all over the country. My surgeon who implanted my cochlear implant for my left ear gave a presentation which I attended. After the presentation was over, I introduced myself to him again and told him that I was one of his patients, and had been implanted for eight months now. He asked me, "How is that going for you,"? and I said that it has been life changing, wonderful, gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and thanked him again.
All my life I have felt disfranchised from organizations for deaf people who grew up in deaf culture and from my hearing peers. This particular organization embraces EVERYBODY with a hearing loss, whether you are from deaf culture, a person who became hard of hearing or deaf later in life, or a profoundly deaf adult like myself who speaks, lipreads, but functions as a Hard Of Hearing Person, or in deaf parlance, "a high functioning deafie."
I went to two different schools for the deaf to learn to use hearing aids, speak and lipread. I spent one year at a pre-school for the deaf in the South, then heard of another, internationally world famous school for the deaf in the Midwest. I attended that school for five years. I was barely seven years old when I left that world, and most always the only deaf child in a hearing school. I am still the only deaf adult employee in my immediate office at work.
Now with the advancement of Cochlear Implants, that gap is closing fast. There were babies, kids, teens, adults of all ages, even senior citizens at this convention. We all have a hearing loss. There were even folks who had multiple disabilities as well as hearing loss, and who inspired the rest of us. I was inspired and overjoyed by the younger kids who are totally accepting of their hearing loss. At this convention, it was actually hip to have hearing loss!
Nobody felt embarrassed at not hearing well or not at all. We all helped each other and told our individual stories. There was instant kinship with the challenges we all face in our daily lives. There were those who were still struggling with the trauma of hearing loss, and those of us who have "been there, done that," listened, gave comfort, hope to others to carry on.
There were vendors who demonstrated their products which help persons with hearing loss. I am constantly amazed at what folks come up with. I am continually amazed at the technology of hearing aids and cochlear implants. You can even wear a cochlear sound processor with leopard prints! How cool is that??
The first evening of the convention, we listened to the story of a hearing man who grew up in deaf culture and has both hearing and deaf relatives. He talked of his twin deaf brother and the painful story of how the decision to implant his deaf son nearly destroyed his family. The book is titled, "The Sound and the Fury." That's why I tell people that the decision to undergo cochlear implant surgery is such a personal one. I met the man and his deaf son, now 12. The son is so confident and has such a bright future ahead of him.
600 of us attended a musical called "Wicked," The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz. It was AWESOME. There was open captioning, infrared, and a loop!!! This was my first time attending a musical post-implant. I was able to laugh at appropriate moments, understand the theme of the musical, enjoy the incredible set creations. I want to meet the person who created this musical! What an imagination!!
It has been eight months since my cochlear implant surgery. I feel like a kid at the entrance of Aladdin's Cave, wanting to experience more hearing treasure, and impatient for more. I so want to be bilateral, with two cochlear implants, YESTERDAY. My new friends who are bilateral tell me that being bilateral is the BEST. I can't wait.
Thanks, HLAA. Thanks for the unconditional acceptance, love and understanding. I've come home.
All my life I have felt disfranchised from organizations for deaf people who grew up in deaf culture and from my hearing peers. This particular organization embraces EVERYBODY with a hearing loss, whether you are from deaf culture, a person who became hard of hearing or deaf later in life, or a profoundly deaf adult like myself who speaks, lipreads, but functions as a Hard Of Hearing Person, or in deaf parlance, "a high functioning deafie."
I went to two different schools for the deaf to learn to use hearing aids, speak and lipread. I spent one year at a pre-school for the deaf in the South, then heard of another, internationally world famous school for the deaf in the Midwest. I attended that school for five years. I was barely seven years old when I left that world, and most always the only deaf child in a hearing school. I am still the only deaf adult employee in my immediate office at work.
Now with the advancement of Cochlear Implants, that gap is closing fast. There were babies, kids, teens, adults of all ages, even senior citizens at this convention. We all have a hearing loss. There were even folks who had multiple disabilities as well as hearing loss, and who inspired the rest of us. I was inspired and overjoyed by the younger kids who are totally accepting of their hearing loss. At this convention, it was actually hip to have hearing loss!
Nobody felt embarrassed at not hearing well or not at all. We all helped each other and told our individual stories. There was instant kinship with the challenges we all face in our daily lives. There were those who were still struggling with the trauma of hearing loss, and those of us who have "been there, done that," listened, gave comfort, hope to others to carry on.
There were vendors who demonstrated their products which help persons with hearing loss. I am constantly amazed at what folks come up with. I am continually amazed at the technology of hearing aids and cochlear implants. You can even wear a cochlear sound processor with leopard prints! How cool is that??
The first evening of the convention, we listened to the story of a hearing man who grew up in deaf culture and has both hearing and deaf relatives. He talked of his twin deaf brother and the painful story of how the decision to implant his deaf son nearly destroyed his family. The book is titled, "The Sound and the Fury." That's why I tell people that the decision to undergo cochlear implant surgery is such a personal one. I met the man and his deaf son, now 12. The son is so confident and has such a bright future ahead of him.
600 of us attended a musical called "Wicked," The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz. It was AWESOME. There was open captioning, infrared, and a loop!!! This was my first time attending a musical post-implant. I was able to laugh at appropriate moments, understand the theme of the musical, enjoy the incredible set creations. I want to meet the person who created this musical! What an imagination!!
It has been eight months since my cochlear implant surgery. I feel like a kid at the entrance of Aladdin's Cave, wanting to experience more hearing treasure, and impatient for more. I so want to be bilateral, with two cochlear implants, YESTERDAY. My new friends who are bilateral tell me that being bilateral is the BEST. I can't wait.
Thanks, HLAA. Thanks for the unconditional acceptance, love and understanding. I've come home.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A Long Weekend
Last Friday, a friend and I drove 2 1/2 hours to attend a mutual friend's son's wedding. I did all the driving. Conversation was a little challenging in the car during the drive down because my right ear is not implanted. I resumed wearing a hearing aid in my right ear for the first time since the cochlear implant surgery for my left ear.
While the hearing aid helped with traffic noise, it didn't improve the quality of conversation that much. I am used to the cochlear implant in my left ear now, and I found myself relying more on the cochlear implant than the hearing aid.
I also drove at night on the interstate and I was not at all familiar with where I was going. It was very frustrating as my friend doesn't always have a good sense of direction and was getting equally frustrated. I could hear the Garmin give verbal instructions but distinguishing between the words North, South, West and East was even worse. As my friend was sitting to the right of me, any verbal clarification of directions was rather tricky to listen to. I haven't done interstate night driving for a very long time. It was terrifying, but I needed to do it.
I should have Googled the directions and printed out maps, studied them, committed the maps to memory before we left for our destination.
Next time I will definitely do that. The wedding was outdoors - thunder clouds were threatening to erupt any minute and the wind was blowing. It was a very short 30 minute ceremony and we all made it inside before it rained. I could hear and understand the Pastor and hear the vows as the bride and groom were married, just as clearly as if they were sitting next to me. What a huge difference in hearing, from last year's Labor Day wedding to this June wedding.
The fidelity, clarity, quality in sound with the cochlear implant sound processor is just huge. It is like having a mini stereo receiver in your head and every sound has a stereo quality to it.
Voices still sound scratchy at times, but are more and more human to me as I continue my hearing journey. Lyrics are still scratchy and doesn't quite sound like singing yet. I still cannot use a landline phone without the aid of captions.
The wedding reception was noisy, and conversation was challenging at times, but I don't strain to hear. Not at all. The Cochlear Implant does all that for you. I was even able to pick up a little rhythm and join in the dancing.
Tomorrow I will be attending a conference for three days. It will be my first conference post-implant. I'm actually looking forward to it.
Hearing with a cochlear implant continues to be a gift. When I think back to my first day of hearing post-implant, on Activation Day, I am just amazed at where I am in my journey. It has been eight months since the surgery and seven months of hearing with a cochlear implant.
Amazing! I definitely want my right ear implanted as well. Then I will have surround sound!
While the hearing aid helped with traffic noise, it didn't improve the quality of conversation that much. I am used to the cochlear implant in my left ear now, and I found myself relying more on the cochlear implant than the hearing aid.
I also drove at night on the interstate and I was not at all familiar with where I was going. It was very frustrating as my friend doesn't always have a good sense of direction and was getting equally frustrated. I could hear the Garmin give verbal instructions but distinguishing between the words North, South, West and East was even worse. As my friend was sitting to the right of me, any verbal clarification of directions was rather tricky to listen to. I haven't done interstate night driving for a very long time. It was terrifying, but I needed to do it.
I should have Googled the directions and printed out maps, studied them, committed the maps to memory before we left for our destination.
Next time I will definitely do that. The wedding was outdoors - thunder clouds were threatening to erupt any minute and the wind was blowing. It was a very short 30 minute ceremony and we all made it inside before it rained. I could hear and understand the Pastor and hear the vows as the bride and groom were married, just as clearly as if they were sitting next to me. What a huge difference in hearing, from last year's Labor Day wedding to this June wedding.
The fidelity, clarity, quality in sound with the cochlear implant sound processor is just huge. It is like having a mini stereo receiver in your head and every sound has a stereo quality to it.
Voices still sound scratchy at times, but are more and more human to me as I continue my hearing journey. Lyrics are still scratchy and doesn't quite sound like singing yet. I still cannot use a landline phone without the aid of captions.
The wedding reception was noisy, and conversation was challenging at times, but I don't strain to hear. Not at all. The Cochlear Implant does all that for you. I was even able to pick up a little rhythm and join in the dancing.
Tomorrow I will be attending a conference for three days. It will be my first conference post-implant. I'm actually looking forward to it.
Hearing with a cochlear implant continues to be a gift. When I think back to my first day of hearing post-implant, on Activation Day, I am just amazed at where I am in my journey. It has been eight months since the surgery and seven months of hearing with a cochlear implant.
Amazing! I definitely want my right ear implanted as well. Then I will have surround sound!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Music and a Cochlear Implant
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I just listened to a You Tube video of a Michael West song, "Strong Enough." It had captions which helped me to enjoy the song. It was beautiful and a good reminder of where my priorities should lie in what has been a challenging week!
I just listened to a You Tube video of a Michael West song, "Strong Enough." It had captions which helped me to enjoy the song. It was beautiful and a good reminder of where my priorities should lie in what has been a challenging week!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Cardinals and other sounds
I have a pair of cardinals that regularly visit my crape myrtle tree and boxwoods. I figured out why I was able to hear cardinals from inside my kitchen. One cardinal (usually the male one) likes to hide in a boxwood beneath my kitchen bay window. The female cardinal likes to perch somewhere on my crape myrtle tree. There's a lot of flying and swooping and bird calling.
Six months after activation, I have discovered that my townhouse isn't as soundproof or quiet as I thought it was. I can not only hear the cardinals, I can hear my next door neighbor's dog barking and I can hear cars, trucks and SUV's go by as well as some other noises I haven't quite identified yet.
Even walking to work from the subway station, I can pick out the bird calls from other city noise.
In a quieter environment I can hear cell phone ringtones, a co-worker in the next room popping gum.
We had an all-hands office meeting recently. It was my first meeting with my office as a group since I underwent cochlear implant surgery and had it activated. It was amazing. I could hear each person's voice as clearly as if he or she were sitting right next to me, no matter where that person was sitting at the table.
With hearing aids and what little hearing, office meetings were really a challenge. I would talk with a co-worker afterwards to see what I had missed.
The difference in the quality of sound with a cochlear implant is amazing. It was WOW! Just absolutely astounding.
A few weeks ago I went over to a friend's townhouse. We were going out to dinner. One of the cats, a sleek, black cat with green eyes, came up and rubbed against my legs, wanting attention. I petted him, and as I did so, I kept hearing intermittent "tings." I realized it was the bell tinkling on the cat's collar!
They say the cicadas will be here in five weeks. I wonder what that will sound like with a cochlear implant? I remember cicadas - an buzzing, humming sound when I wore hearing aids in both ears.
It is challenging hearing with a cochlear implant in a noisy environment. I appreciate "quiet," so that I can listen for new sounds, like hearing the bell on the cat's collar.
Amazing. Hearing is such a gift.
Six months after activation, I have discovered that my townhouse isn't as soundproof or quiet as I thought it was. I can not only hear the cardinals, I can hear my next door neighbor's dog barking and I can hear cars, trucks and SUV's go by as well as some other noises I haven't quite identified yet.
Even walking to work from the subway station, I can pick out the bird calls from other city noise.
In a quieter environment I can hear cell phone ringtones, a co-worker in the next room popping gum.
We had an all-hands office meeting recently. It was my first meeting with my office as a group since I underwent cochlear implant surgery and had it activated. It was amazing. I could hear each person's voice as clearly as if he or she were sitting right next to me, no matter where that person was sitting at the table.
With hearing aids and what little hearing, office meetings were really a challenge. I would talk with a co-worker afterwards to see what I had missed.
The difference in the quality of sound with a cochlear implant is amazing. It was WOW! Just absolutely astounding.
A few weeks ago I went over to a friend's townhouse. We were going out to dinner. One of the cats, a sleek, black cat with green eyes, came up and rubbed against my legs, wanting attention. I petted him, and as I did so, I kept hearing intermittent "tings." I realized it was the bell tinkling on the cat's collar!
They say the cicadas will be here in five weeks. I wonder what that will sound like with a cochlear implant? I remember cicadas - an buzzing, humming sound when I wore hearing aids in both ears.
It is challenging hearing with a cochlear implant in a noisy environment. I appreciate "quiet," so that I can listen for new sounds, like hearing the bell on the cat's collar.
Amazing. Hearing is such a gift.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
God's Symphony
Yesterday after running errands and doing some much needed yard work, I opened up a bottle of cold green tea and sat down on my porch steps of my townhouse. I have a crape myrtle tree in my front yard, and it is not very tall. A female cardinal came and perched on a branch on the tree. I didn't dare breathe, we were literally a foot apart. I watched her carefully, wondering what the bird would do.
Her beak opened, and to my delight, I heard the bird calling. I have been hearing bird calls for some time, but couldn't match the bird call to the individual bird. I can now. She continued with her bird song for a bit, then flew off.
I definitely, positively know what a Cardinal's bird call sounds like. I am hearing birds inside my townhouse, especially if I am near a window, or in the kitchen. I can hear bird calls even in the city among other noises. I can pick out bird sounds. To me it sounds like a lot of bird chirping and tweeting - even sharp whistling sounds.
I think sounds of nature must be God's Symphony. I cannot yet hear squirrels.
I am hearing more environmental sounds besides sounds of nature. I heard an ambulance siren last week. It is definitely a noisy world.
Hearing with a cochlear implant is such a gift.
Her beak opened, and to my delight, I heard the bird calling. I have been hearing bird calls for some time, but couldn't match the bird call to the individual bird. I can now. She continued with her bird song for a bit, then flew off.
I definitely, positively know what a Cardinal's bird call sounds like. I am hearing birds inside my townhouse, especially if I am near a window, or in the kitchen. I can hear bird calls even in the city among other noises. I can pick out bird sounds. To me it sounds like a lot of bird chirping and tweeting - even sharp whistling sounds.
I think sounds of nature must be God's Symphony. I cannot yet hear squirrels.
I am hearing more environmental sounds besides sounds of nature. I heard an ambulance siren last week. It is definitely a noisy world.
Hearing with a cochlear implant is such a gift.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
April - my journey so far
Last week, I returned to the Cochlear Clinic for more "tweaking." I am hearing more birds calling. A friend tells me that the male Cardinals are the loudest birds early in the morning. I am hearing other birds calling, but cannot yet identify the specific bird call. Mornings are definitely not quiet, as I leave for work and or run errands on the weekends.
I watched American Idol tonight. I thought, well, I think I can at least enjoy the music. To my surprise and delight, the lyrics didn't sound so "scratchy." YAY!
I was able to enjoy the contestants as they sang their songs. All of them were delightful and quite talented.
Earlier this week, I played a Amy Grant album, "Straight Ahead," which had been digitally remastered for better sound, in my car's CD player and cranked up the sound a bit. It didn't sound loud or painful. I was able to actually understand two lines of the song, "Angels," post implant. "Angels Watching over me, Every Step I take."
Hearing with a Cochlear Implant is so very different from hearing with a hearing aid or two. While I am hearing new sounds, it is definitely a process, and I am learning to discriminate among "flavors" of sounds. One thing I have to constantly remind myself about cochlear implant sound processors. There's no sound amplification. I am hearing at normal levels. Since the CI Aufiologist programs the sound processor, I don't have to worry about excessive loudness or noise.
I still think "Soundflavoringsanew" was definitely a good title for my blog. I have come so far in just five months after having the cochlear implant turned on. Amazing. I've gone from hearing
"wild and crazy" sounds in 24 hours to the first two weeks, to hearing "normally" in four months. Normal for me, anyway.
Hearing is such a gift.
I watched American Idol tonight. I thought, well, I think I can at least enjoy the music. To my surprise and delight, the lyrics didn't sound so "scratchy." YAY!
I was able to enjoy the contestants as they sang their songs. All of them were delightful and quite talented.
Earlier this week, I played a Amy Grant album, "Straight Ahead," which had been digitally remastered for better sound, in my car's CD player and cranked up the sound a bit. It didn't sound loud or painful. I was able to actually understand two lines of the song, "Angels," post implant. "Angels Watching over me, Every Step I take."
Hearing with a Cochlear Implant is so very different from hearing with a hearing aid or two. While I am hearing new sounds, it is definitely a process, and I am learning to discriminate among "flavors" of sounds. One thing I have to constantly remind myself about cochlear implant sound processors. There's no sound amplification. I am hearing at normal levels. Since the CI Aufiologist programs the sound processor, I don't have to worry about excessive loudness or noise.
I still think "Soundflavoringsanew" was definitely a good title for my blog. I have come so far in just five months after having the cochlear implant turned on. Amazing. I've gone from hearing
"wild and crazy" sounds in 24 hours to the first two weeks, to hearing "normally" in four months. Normal for me, anyway.
Hearing is such a gift.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sounds of Spring
There is a bird somewhere in the vicinity of my townhouse. A couple of Saturdays ago while running errands at 7:30 AM, I heard this distinctive, persistent, repetitive sound. It was unlike anything I had ever heard. It came from the trees. I turned my head and listened. There it was again. I turned my head toward the trees and heard the sound again. It was a "errr, errr, errr," sound, followed by "rrrrrrrr," a kind of trilling sound.
Later I told a neighbor that I thought I had heard a bird from somewhere high up in the trees. She said, "You did hear a bird." The bird is most active in the morning and my neighbor told me the bird wakes her up in the mornings!
Four months, post-implant, I now know what a bird sounds like. I can hear wind outdoors. I am learning to discriminate among sounds. Not all clocks sound the same. Not all key pads beep alike. Not all diesel engines idle alike. Not all car engines sound alike. There are different ringtones for telephones.
People's voices still sound like they are talking with scratchy voices, but I am slowly beginning to hear words and a short sentence without lipreading. I can hear a pot of water bubbling. Even steam sounds different in various coffee shops while listening to milk being steamed in a pitcher.
I can hear a person come up behind me. The sound of some one's footsteps sound different on a carpet, a hardwood floor, a marble floor. I can recognize commercial jingles on TV and am starting to recognize songs on the radio - only the music, the lyrics are still a challenge.
Everything has a sound. I continue to savor each new day. I may not hear a new sound each and every day, but I faithfully wear my sound processor in order to get the full benefit of my CI.
I don't understand why someone would undergo surgery, get a cochlear implant, and then intermittently wear a sound processor. Why bother getting a cochlear implant if you are not going to wear your sound processor? To me, that's like getting prescription glasses and/or contact lenses and then not wearing the glasses or contact lenses.
I'm thinking about buying a bird feeder and putting it in the backyard. Maybe that will allow me to hear more birds and to see which birds call or sing.
Hearing is such a gift. The journey has been a worthwhile one.
Later I told a neighbor that I thought I had heard a bird from somewhere high up in the trees. She said, "You did hear a bird." The bird is most active in the morning and my neighbor told me the bird wakes her up in the mornings!
Four months, post-implant, I now know what a bird sounds like. I can hear wind outdoors. I am learning to discriminate among sounds. Not all clocks sound the same. Not all key pads beep alike. Not all diesel engines idle alike. Not all car engines sound alike. There are different ringtones for telephones.
People's voices still sound like they are talking with scratchy voices, but I am slowly beginning to hear words and a short sentence without lipreading. I can hear a pot of water bubbling. Even steam sounds different in various coffee shops while listening to milk being steamed in a pitcher.
I can hear a person come up behind me. The sound of some one's footsteps sound different on a carpet, a hardwood floor, a marble floor. I can recognize commercial jingles on TV and am starting to recognize songs on the radio - only the music, the lyrics are still a challenge.
Everything has a sound. I continue to savor each new day. I may not hear a new sound each and every day, but I faithfully wear my sound processor in order to get the full benefit of my CI.
I don't understand why someone would undergo surgery, get a cochlear implant, and then intermittently wear a sound processor. Why bother getting a cochlear implant if you are not going to wear your sound processor? To me, that's like getting prescription glasses and/or contact lenses and then not wearing the glasses or contact lenses.
I'm thinking about buying a bird feeder and putting it in the backyard. Maybe that will allow me to hear more birds and to see which birds call or sing.
Hearing is such a gift. The journey has been a worthwhile one.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Three months after activation - what progress I have made
Today is a holiday for me. I was glad for a three day weekend. I indulged myself and watched "The View" earlier this morning. The show featured a new "tween" group called The Big Rush. This group sang their hit song. " I wanna be your B B B Boyfriend." The kids were cute. The music had a percussive beat, and the song was cute. While the group of tweens or teenagers who sang this song are probably old enough to be my sons, I have a young enough soul that I could enjoy the music, and did.
Musically "hearing" with a cochlear implant, three months after activation, I am likely to enjoy hearing a electric guitar solo, a piano recital, a drum solo, any kind of music that doesn't have lyrics. While voices sound more human, it still sounds to me like people are talking or singing with a scratchy voice. I am waiting for the day when I can hear and understand "a clear voice."
I am still not at the point where I can hear and talk on a landline phone, a cell phone, a cordless phone without the aid of captions. I can hear snatches of lyrics when listening to CD's, commercial jingles on television, the radio.
I still cannot fully understand speech without the aid of lipreading. Last week I had a check up with a medical specialist. We hadn't seen each other in 24 months, and I told him that I now had a cochlear implant for my left ear. I showed him my sound processor, and he was impressed. He asked, "Is it better than hearing with a hearing aid"? and I said , Oh, yes. Perhaps when we see each other in another 24 months, I will have had the right ear implanted as well. I would like that.
If I am absolutely still in my kitchen, sitting and listening, I think I can hear birds. I am not absolutely sure, but it is a high, twittering, almost tinkling sound. I think the next time I think I hear twittering, I will look outside and see if a bird is perched on a branch on my crape myrtle tree.
Does wind make a "whooshing sound"? If that is the case, then I definitely heard wind on Saturday while inside my townhouse. It was definitely windy. I had to go outside and tie down the covers on my patio furniture, and somewhat anchor down the furniture.
I discovered that clocks have different ticking sounds. No one clock is alike.
Hearing is such a gift.
Musically "hearing" with a cochlear implant, three months after activation, I am likely to enjoy hearing a electric guitar solo, a piano recital, a drum solo, any kind of music that doesn't have lyrics. While voices sound more human, it still sounds to me like people are talking or singing with a scratchy voice. I am waiting for the day when I can hear and understand "a clear voice."
I am still not at the point where I can hear and talk on a landline phone, a cell phone, a cordless phone without the aid of captions. I can hear snatches of lyrics when listening to CD's, commercial jingles on television, the radio.
I still cannot fully understand speech without the aid of lipreading. Last week I had a check up with a medical specialist. We hadn't seen each other in 24 months, and I told him that I now had a cochlear implant for my left ear. I showed him my sound processor, and he was impressed. He asked, "Is it better than hearing with a hearing aid"? and I said , Oh, yes. Perhaps when we see each other in another 24 months, I will have had the right ear implanted as well. I would like that.
If I am absolutely still in my kitchen, sitting and listening, I think I can hear birds. I am not absolutely sure, but it is a high, twittering, almost tinkling sound. I think the next time I think I hear twittering, I will look outside and see if a bird is perched on a branch on my crape myrtle tree.
Does wind make a "whooshing sound"? If that is the case, then I definitely heard wind on Saturday while inside my townhouse. It was definitely windy. I had to go outside and tie down the covers on my patio furniture, and somewhat anchor down the furniture.
I discovered that clocks have different ticking sounds. No one clock is alike.
Hearing is such a gift.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
A Noisy February
I hear more environmental sounds. The sound of my shoes squishing over saturated wet ground. My boots crunching over snow. Outside construction noises as I work from my office window. People walking and talking outside in the corridor of my office with the door closed. If it is quiet, I can hear my co-worker's phone ringing in the next office. I hear the rustling of paper.
I listen to the radio as I drive. I can hear snatches of words. Speech and lyrics are still challenging. It depends on who I am talking/listening to. I am not at the point where I can talk on the telephone or cell phone without captions. Lipreading and listening simultaneously definitely helps.
I had my nails and a pedicure done this weekend. I could hear the water swirling around in the pedicure chair. I could hear the nail technician's tools as she worked, the clipping of the nail clippers, the sound of the nail buffer brushing over my toenails and nails.
I can now hear some things drop, depending on what is dropped. Before I got my left ear implanted with a cochlear implant, if I dropped anything, a hearing person would call it to my attention.
The Grammy Awards are on television tonight. Another opportunity to hear some singing, along with lipreading the singers!
Enjoy Valentine's Day tomorrow. As for me, I'll continue to enjoy experiencing the gift of hearing with my cochlear implant. I am still stunned every night when I take off my sound processor at night, just how deaf I am. I am grateful that deaf babies and young deaf children now have the option to be implanted with cochlear implants now. They have opportunities that were not available to me at that age.
Amazing.
I listen to the radio as I drive. I can hear snatches of words. Speech and lyrics are still challenging. It depends on who I am talking/listening to. I am not at the point where I can talk on the telephone or cell phone without captions. Lipreading and listening simultaneously definitely helps.
I had my nails and a pedicure done this weekend. I could hear the water swirling around in the pedicure chair. I could hear the nail technician's tools as she worked, the clipping of the nail clippers, the sound of the nail buffer brushing over my toenails and nails.
I can now hear some things drop, depending on what is dropped. Before I got my left ear implanted with a cochlear implant, if I dropped anything, a hearing person would call it to my attention.
The Grammy Awards are on television tonight. Another opportunity to hear some singing, along with lipreading the singers!
Enjoy Valentine's Day tomorrow. As for me, I'll continue to enjoy experiencing the gift of hearing with my cochlear implant. I am still stunned every night when I take off my sound processor at night, just how deaf I am. I am grateful that deaf babies and young deaf children now have the option to be implanted with cochlear implants now. They have opportunities that were not available to me at that age.
Amazing.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Rain, Sleet, Thunder Snow Showers, then Snow
Today I worked from home. I had been hearing all week how we were going to get some "significant" snow. I admit I was skeptical. We started with rain, sleet, ice and ending as snow. Lots of it.
While working late this afternoon, I heard this rumbling noise. At first I thought it was a very hard rain (it was raining hard). Then I heard this rumbling, and it sounded like thunder. I realized the rumbling noise were thunder snow showers. Later, it began snowing about one to two inches an hour.
Thunder Snow Showers are pretty noisy. It was an amazing sound to hear, and it was hard to miss it. The snow has stopped, but it was a heavy, wet, sloppy snow. It will refreeze tonight. Many people are without power because of gusty winds. The lights kept flickering all day and I had a brown out or two for a few seconds. There was enough snow that I could not get a signal to watch the news this evening. I had to go out back with a broom and clear snow off the satellite dish.
I was glad I was home working and not out in this sloppy mess, trying to get home. I will shovel out in the morning. I guess I get to find out what shoveling wet heavy snow sounds like.Amazing what sounds I have heard since November 11th post-implant.
While working late this afternoon, I heard this rumbling noise. At first I thought it was a very hard rain (it was raining hard). Then I heard this rumbling, and it sounded like thunder. I realized the rumbling noise were thunder snow showers. Later, it began snowing about one to two inches an hour.
Thunder Snow Showers are pretty noisy. It was an amazing sound to hear, and it was hard to miss it. The snow has stopped, but it was a heavy, wet, sloppy snow. It will refreeze tonight. Many people are without power because of gusty winds. The lights kept flickering all day and I had a brown out or two for a few seconds. There was enough snow that I could not get a signal to watch the news this evening. I had to go out back with a broom and clear snow off the satellite dish.
I was glad I was home working and not out in this sloppy mess, trying to get home. I will shovel out in the morning. I guess I get to find out what shoveling wet heavy snow sounds like.Amazing what sounds I have heard since November 11th post-implant.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
More sounds - especially environmental sounds
This weekend while running errands, I heard the sirens, horns of a fire engine post-implant. The sounds were coming from my left (my left ear is implanted) and as I turned my head at the traffic light (which was red), I saw the fire engine and recognized the sounds coming from the fire engine. The sounds that I hear post-implant may be familiar or unfamiliar. The difference is, none of the sounds are necessarily amplified or "loud." While wearing hearing aids, I would have literally have had the fire engine riding my bumper in order for me to "hear" the horn honking and sirens.
Hearing with a cochlear implant is so different from hearing with a hearing aid or two. The other day I was doing laundry. I was watching television, and realized I could hear the environmental noise of the washing machine and the dryer in the laundry room area along with the television set in the basement. I haven't yet learned to "tune out" all environmental sounds. As I am typing this blog entry, I have to stop and listen to the regulator desk clock "ticking," as I have learned to "tune it out." I am learning to do that when the heat pump cuts on and off. I am aware of the sound; but my brain is processing it as "background noise."
Singing - particularly commercial jingles - the singing and the music are starting to "come together." Singing still sounds as if someone is singing with a scratchy throat, whether it is the radio, CD. TV or a video clip. Music is sounding more like music, in bits and pieces. I still do not recognize speech in its entirety if someone talks to me with my back turned. I cannot yet hear and understand an entire sentence without the aid of lipreading. I can hear words in bits and pieces with my back turned, just not the entire conversation. I still rely on my CapTel phone to "cue me in," when using the telephone. It has been 69 days since my cochlear implant was turned on.
I can measure the progress. I have consistently worn my sound processor daily since November 11th, for eight hours a day or slightly more. I can remember what sounded "wild and crazy," during my first 24 hours post implant. From hearing "voices underwater," to hearing speech and voices connect, in a little over two months, my noisy world, is sounding more and more familiar each and every day. My office door definitely squeaks when someone enters the room. Post-implant, I turn my head when the door squeaks, and no longer startle when someone comes in. I rarely collide with someone turning a corner in the hallway or when turning a corner of a grocery aisle. I hear people walking up and down the corridor of my office building with my office door closed. I hear environmental sounds of construction from my office window, and recognize the noises for what they are, instead of opening my office door in an attempt to localize the construction sounds.
So far, so good. Yes, just about everything has a sound post-implant. My cochlear implant and sound processor are functioning as they should. My job is to focus, listen, identify what I hear, and store more soundfavorings in my hearing memory, much like a data bank. There's a pattern to every sound.
Hearing with a cochlear implant is so different from hearing with a hearing aid or two. The other day I was doing laundry. I was watching television, and realized I could hear the environmental noise of the washing machine and the dryer in the laundry room area along with the television set in the basement. I haven't yet learned to "tune out" all environmental sounds. As I am typing this blog entry, I have to stop and listen to the regulator desk clock "ticking," as I have learned to "tune it out." I am learning to do that when the heat pump cuts on and off. I am aware of the sound; but my brain is processing it as "background noise."
Singing - particularly commercial jingles - the singing and the music are starting to "come together." Singing still sounds as if someone is singing with a scratchy throat, whether it is the radio, CD. TV or a video clip. Music is sounding more like music, in bits and pieces. I still do not recognize speech in its entirety if someone talks to me with my back turned. I cannot yet hear and understand an entire sentence without the aid of lipreading. I can hear words in bits and pieces with my back turned, just not the entire conversation. I still rely on my CapTel phone to "cue me in," when using the telephone. It has been 69 days since my cochlear implant was turned on.
I can measure the progress. I have consistently worn my sound processor daily since November 11th, for eight hours a day or slightly more. I can remember what sounded "wild and crazy," during my first 24 hours post implant. From hearing "voices underwater," to hearing speech and voices connect, in a little over two months, my noisy world, is sounding more and more familiar each and every day. My office door definitely squeaks when someone enters the room. Post-implant, I turn my head when the door squeaks, and no longer startle when someone comes in. I rarely collide with someone turning a corner in the hallway or when turning a corner of a grocery aisle. I hear people walking up and down the corridor of my office building with my office door closed. I hear environmental sounds of construction from my office window, and recognize the noises for what they are, instead of opening my office door in an attempt to localize the construction sounds.
So far, so good. Yes, just about everything has a sound post-implant. My cochlear implant and sound processor are functioning as they should. My job is to focus, listen, identify what I hear, and store more soundfavorings in my hearing memory, much like a data bank. There's a pattern to every sound.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Hearing People and the Telephone
There are some hearing folks who are surprised that I cannot yet use the telephone completely unaided with my cochlear implant. While I have come a long way since Activation Day, I still rely on my CapTel phone. It has not been quite two months since the cochlear implant was activated or turned on. I learned that just again today, when someone asked to speak with me on the telephone.
The Director of my office recently asked me if getting used to the cochlear implant was a small or big adjustment. I said it was definitely a big adjustment. I don't think hearing people realize that a cochlear implant is nothing like a hearing aid.
I don't always have a perfect hearing experience day with my cochlear implant. There are days when I am having an "off" day with my cochlear implant, whether it is not recognizing an individual sound, I am tired of the noise, or I have forgotten to turn the volume control to the appropriate setting. People tell me that I can always take off the sound processor, and to me, that is defeating the purpose of the cochlear implant.
I faithfully wear my sound processor each and every day, eight hours a day or more. While I would love to be able to understand speech and singing perfectly tomorrow, I know adjusting to the cochlear implant will take months to a year to two years. I have faith that my efforts and patience will be worth it.
The Director of my office recently asked me if getting used to the cochlear implant was a small or big adjustment. I said it was definitely a big adjustment. I don't think hearing people realize that a cochlear implant is nothing like a hearing aid.
I don't always have a perfect hearing experience day with my cochlear implant. There are days when I am having an "off" day with my cochlear implant, whether it is not recognizing an individual sound, I am tired of the noise, or I have forgotten to turn the volume control to the appropriate setting. People tell me that I can always take off the sound processor, and to me, that is defeating the purpose of the cochlear implant.
I faithfully wear my sound processor each and every day, eight hours a day or more. While I would love to be able to understand speech and singing perfectly tomorrow, I know adjusting to the cochlear implant will take months to a year to two years. I have faith that my efforts and patience will be worth it.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
One Month "Tweaking" Appointment
I was at the Cochlear Clinic bright and early this morning. I ran into two women in the waiting room area who had been implanted with the same implant as myself. One had been implanted for a year, the other one, I think, two years. Both women became deaf later in life. I was the only deaf woman in the waiting room who has been deaf most of her life. A man came over to us and said he lost his hearing in 20 minutes, just like that. How traumatic for him!
My CI Audiologist re-mapped the three programs on the sound processor and for the first time post-implant, sounds are more natural. Music isn't music yet, but neither is it noise. I can definitely hear different musical instruments with no difficulty. The CI Audiologist said to expect two weeks of getting used to the new mappings. I told her of people asking me if I can "hear" on the telephone yet. We both laughed. The two women in the waiting room told me it took them six to seven months before they could fully understand speech with their cochlear implant. We will see what happens in May!
I had my hearing tested again. With the Cochlear Implant, I've gone from the absolute bottom of the audiogram to the middle! The implant and the sound processor are functioning as they should. That's progress. I go back in two months.
My CI Audiologist re-mapped the three programs on the sound processor and for the first time post-implant, sounds are more natural. Music isn't music yet, but neither is it noise. I can definitely hear different musical instruments with no difficulty. The CI Audiologist said to expect two weeks of getting used to the new mappings. I told her of people asking me if I can "hear" on the telephone yet. We both laughed. The two women in the waiting room told me it took them six to seven months before they could fully understand speech with their cochlear implant. We will see what happens in May!
I had my hearing tested again. With the Cochlear Implant, I've gone from the absolute bottom of the audiogram to the middle! The implant and the sound processor are functioning as they should. That's progress. I go back in two months.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year's Reflections
As I mentioned in an earlier posting, over the Christmas holidays, I had some quality conversations with my nieces and nephews.
I understood my six year old nephew when he instructed me to microwave his chocolate drink for exactly "one minute and twenty-four seconds" to make him hot chocolate. I did so, and told him to let me know if his drink was too hot. He said okay.
I understood my ten year old nephew when he complained of a headache; his dad gave him ibuprofen. I told my nephew that it would take time for the medicine to work, as he continued to complain of a headache. His mother ended up taking him to the doctor that evening when he did not improve. My nephew was appropriately treated and felt better the next morning.
These were conversations I would have otherwise missed with my BTE hearing aids.
My nieces were a bit more talkative as I engaged them in conversation. My eight year old niece was surprisingly knowledgeable of the problems of the world and had a lot to say. Her mother affectionately describes her as a chatterbox. My fraternal twin twelve year old nieces also talked with me. One is a budding veterinarian in training - their mother is a veterinarian. one twelve year old niece frequently accompanies her mother to work on evenings and Saturdays. My other twelve year old niece wants to be a lawyer and has aspirations of being on the U.S. Supreme Court one day. We talked about what lawyers do. I explained that I work with attorneys in my job, and further explained to my niece that my supervisor is an attorney.
I also talked with my brother in law about his work, and we commiserated a bit on the state of the economy. I asked my younger sister, who is a veterinarian in private practice, how that was going. We talked of the economy and how we each knew people who had either suffered a loss in income and or jobs. My own salary is now frozen for two years. I am grateful to be gainfully employed.
I continue to adjust to the cochlear implant and the sound processor. Slowly and surely, words and sound are more connected. Music is still challenging as far as singing and the clarity of music. I can pick out instrumentation with no problem.
I have my one-month appointment on Tuesday with my CI Audiologist for another mapping session. We will see how that goes. As the New Year begins, I continue to be grateful for the cochlear implant and the gift of hearing it brings to me each day.
I understood my six year old nephew when he instructed me to microwave his chocolate drink for exactly "one minute and twenty-four seconds" to make him hot chocolate. I did so, and told him to let me know if his drink was too hot. He said okay.
I understood my ten year old nephew when he complained of a headache; his dad gave him ibuprofen. I told my nephew that it would take time for the medicine to work, as he continued to complain of a headache. His mother ended up taking him to the doctor that evening when he did not improve. My nephew was appropriately treated and felt better the next morning.
These were conversations I would have otherwise missed with my BTE hearing aids.
My nieces were a bit more talkative as I engaged them in conversation. My eight year old niece was surprisingly knowledgeable of the problems of the world and had a lot to say. Her mother affectionately describes her as a chatterbox. My fraternal twin twelve year old nieces also talked with me. One is a budding veterinarian in training - their mother is a veterinarian. one twelve year old niece frequently accompanies her mother to work on evenings and Saturdays. My other twelve year old niece wants to be a lawyer and has aspirations of being on the U.S. Supreme Court one day. We talked about what lawyers do. I explained that I work with attorneys in my job, and further explained to my niece that my supervisor is an attorney.
I also talked with my brother in law about his work, and we commiserated a bit on the state of the economy. I asked my younger sister, who is a veterinarian in private practice, how that was going. We talked of the economy and how we each knew people who had either suffered a loss in income and or jobs. My own salary is now frozen for two years. I am grateful to be gainfully employed.
I continue to adjust to the cochlear implant and the sound processor. Slowly and surely, words and sound are more connected. Music is still challenging as far as singing and the clarity of music. I can pick out instrumentation with no problem.
I have my one-month appointment on Tuesday with my CI Audiologist for another mapping session. We will see how that goes. As the New Year begins, I continue to be grateful for the cochlear implant and the gift of hearing it brings to me each day.
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