Too Ambitious

So much for doing light housework and laundry. I keep getting sidetracked. I'd do a little bit here and a little bit there, but I didn't get as much accomplished as I meant to or wanted to. I did take another shower and washed my greasy hair. Since I have an oily scalp, washing my hair every three days is a necessity.

I have made some new on-line friends who have undergone CI surgery. I did get some questions answered.  I discovered that the cold intolerance was pretty common in people after they have been through surgery and anesthesia.  The cold intolerance happened DAYS after the surgery. That figures. I tend to have a delayed reaction to everything, INCLUDING experiencing what I call the "Woozies." The Woozies are not totally gone, and may not fully go away until Activation Day. Oh, Joy. I was also advised NOT to drive to my appointment on Activation Day, to have someone else drive. The sounds of traffic may sound different than what I am used to, that's why.

I could not tell after my shower whether the stitches dissolved or not. I am still cleaning the incision area where my left ear was implanted.  Well, a friend is coming over this Sunday, I will have her peek at the incision site and see what she says. I still have brusing around my left eye but it is fading. Right now it looks blue/green/yellow. 

I tried the on-line grocery delivery service last Friday. They were prompt, efficient and I still have not gone through last week's groceries yet.  It may be another week before I order groceries to be delivered. Still no cabin fever.  I come outside to get my mail and to leave out the trash bags for pick-up. So far, so good. 

Two weeks Post Surgery

Well, it has been two weeks post-surgery as of today. The "Woozies," I think, are 99.9% gone. It is funny, my head feels like there is an "aura" around my brain that can't quite decide if I am on firm ground or not.  My left ear is healing nicely.

I am still sleeping on my back, against several foam pillows and on a slight incline in the bed. I have two weeks of hair growth in the area that was prepped for surgery.  The stitches have not yet dissolved.  Maybe the stitches will dissolve by the fourth week. I am still wearing my hair pinned up by hair jaw clips and away from my implanted left ear.

I spent a restless night last night, and I am not sure why. I couldn't find a comfortable position in the bed and I still hate sleeping on my back. I am definitely a side sleeper.

I think I will tackle some light housework tomorrow, do some laundry, see how that goes.

A Sunny Sunday

The "Woozies" are still with me. The dizziness is not as severe as it was on October 15th post-surgery. I feel steadier on my feet as each day progresses. Next week I am going to try to tackle laundry and light housekeeping around the house. I am still cleaning my surgically implanted ear. The stitches have not dissolved yet.  I have two weeks' growth of hair where my hair was shaved off prior to surgery.

I no longer hear anything out of my left ear. I see why some people refer to a non-functioning ear as their "dead ear." Right now that is exactly what my left ear feels like. That's okay. I am neither upset nor frightened by this. I know that ear is still healing post-surgery. My right ear, which is technically my "better ear," has taken over. I still wear a behind the ear hearing aid in that ear. I am relying on my right ear for "hearing," until Activation Day which will be sometime next month.

I now see the wisdom of having one ear implanted at a time. I can't imagine how much worse the "Woozies," would have been if I had gone through binaural implantation.

I am neither anxious nor impatient about Activation Day. I am in a patient, waiting state of mind.

Slow but Steady

The "Woozies" seem to be slowly diminishing. The dizziness is a bit different than prior episodes I ever had pre-surgery, or at any other time. The dizziness isn't the over the head slow spinning type variety.  It is more of a side by side, up and down type dizziness. That's the difference.

My biggest fear pre-surgery, was that the wooziness, dizziness, vertigo would be so debilitating that I couldn't function, that I would have to be helped out of bed, assisted in using the toilet, getting dressed, etc.

Nope. None of that. It really wasn't anything that I couldn't handle. Staying on the first floor of my home lasted a day post-surgery. I was pretty much able to use the stairs and go upstairs and downstairs.  I didn't venture downstairs to the basement until last Friday, when I took my first shower post-surgery. No signs of infection or middle ear infection, and my ear seems to be healing quite nicely.

I will take another shower shortly, a good one, this time. My hair is so greasy, it feels like I coated it in oil or something. The tinnitus comes and goes. I am still not doing a whole lot of cooking. I am still using paper and plastic products, mainly so that I don't have heavy bags of trash.  I have been drinking a lot of herbal tea. One particular favorite is a tea from South Africa - Red Roobios Tea. It is very different and has a distinct flavor to it.  I am trying to eat and drink things with antioxidants in it. This tea is one of them. Stir in a teaspoon of raw organic honey, and you have yourself a delicious, comforting cup of hot tea.

I bought a lot of groceries pre-surgery and the only thing I'm lacking right now is stuff you get every week, like milk. I am going to use an on-line grocery delivery service, especially since I cannot drive.  Thank God for the Internet and credit cards, both of which have come in handy!

I don't even have cabin fever.  I have not been outside at all except to go to the mailbox and retrieve my mail. I can see why my new friends in the cochlear implant community have counseled me to be patient.

I did not anticipate having the "woozies," for nearly a week. I figured I would have the woozies for the first 48 hours and then the rest would be a slam dunk.  Ah, not quite.  Everyone who goes through cochlear implantation surgery has a unique experience.  While some of the symptoms post-surgery may be universal, you cannot predict the outcome for each and every person.  I still have some bruising beside my left eye, but it is healing nicely. No complaints. I am very grateful that things have gone as well as they have, I really am. Shower time!

The Woozies - one week post surgery

Today it has been one week post surgery. How time flies.  My biggest challenges are what a friend appropriately calls "The Woozies."  That pretty much describes my post surgery state at the moment.  I am still struggling with a sense of imbalance and wooziness. That, and ringing in the ears - mostly my left ear.

This started Friday, October 15th and hasn't stopped.  It is getting better, but I still feel pretty unsteady on my feet. I guess my brain and surgically implanted left ear are still trying to figure out what is firm ground.

No signs of infection, or middle ear infection, fever, anything like that.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I even have a week's growth of hair where the left side of my head was shaved above my left ear.  The surgeon must have done the prepping AFTER I was under anesthesia.  Smart move.

The cold intolerance lasted a day.  I still haven't figured out why I was so cold when it was 73 degrees outside. I'll take 100 degrees in the shade to feeling cold anytime.

I had a nice surprise this afternoon. A college friend of my mother's, had a florist deliver a beautiful pot of miniature yellow roses in a bright yellow ceramic pot with a smile face on it. I will have to take a picture of it!

I am slowly getting my energy back.  I should be finished with antibiotics by Thursday. I no longer need to take a nap during the day.

I am glad I decided to go with paper goods, plastic ware and a lot of microwaving. I made myself an egg omelet this morning with a little cheese and some bean, corn salsa. Just a little. It was pretty good, and the omelet didn't fall apart. The trick to that is low heat, all the way through. I need to tidy up the kitchen a little.

Intolerance to cold

Well, I am still having issues with wooziness, some vertigo, and definitely imbalance issues.  The tinnitus comes and goes. My brain and left ear are still trying to decide what is terra firma. My left ear incision is beginning to itch. A little sore. My hair is still a disaster.

For some strange reason, I have not been able to get warm. It is 73 degrees outside and even though the air conditioning was turned off a long time ago, I still can't get warm. I have been doing the soup thing, the coffee thing, and the tea thing.

At least my nose and hands no longer feel like ice cubes lke they did this morning. The heat pump is on, but because the weather has been mild, it hasn't cut on.

I wonder how long it will take before my brain and ear decides I'm on firm footing?!

I am slowly feeling better, day by day. I'll just take things one day at a time.

A bit of a setback

Yesterday was challenging.  For the first time post-surgery, I woke up with a real sense of feeling imbalanced and very off kilter.  I also had not taken a shower, removed the protective cap or cleaned my ear. After taking my medicine and eating breakfast, I went back to bed to sleep it off. I took two naps yesterday.I removed the protective covering, cleaned my ear. I just had to do everything with caution, methodically, slowly, and without making any sudden moves.

The left side of my head looks like an incomplete buzz cut, like somebody shaved a good four to six inches above my ear.  I may have to go with a punk rock do or a pixie type style when I do visit my hairdresser next month, depending on how much of my hair grows back. I commented on the incomplete buzz cut to an adventuresome friend of mine.  She said I should go ahead and do an incomplete buzz cut to the OTHER side of my head, and remarked that I would be "trendsetting," which made me laugh.

My left earlobe is encased in a violet- colored purple bruise. I have tiny bruising around my left eye.  The rest of my hair is pinned up in one of those hair jaw clips and away from my left ear.

Cleaning my ear was also a challenge. The shower helped loosen the caked dried blood inside my ear and I have clean hair for the first time in five days. I have had to fight temptation to blow my nose.  I have to wipe my nose because the doctors don't want a middle ear infection or anything else. No more protective cap or dressings. Just anti-bacterial ointment.  I have to clean the incision site twice a day. I feel bare and vulnerable without that protective cap. 

What works is mixing 1/2 sodium chloride and 1/2 hydrogen peroxide, pouring it in this plastic bottle, then holding a small basin (your hospital puke bowl) underneath the earlobe. I then carefully pour the solution behind the ear, the solution drains into the basin. I pour the basin contents into the sink. I then pat the incision area dry with a sterile pad.  Next, I take one of those long sterile cotton swab applicators and apply the ointment.

I am slowly getting back energy.  The biggest issues I have right now are wooziness, imbalance, and ringing in the ears.  The balance issues are a lot better than they were yesterday.

I am glad I have been eating high fiber foods.  The high fiber finally worked and I was finally able to go to the bathroom and not just pass gas.  The back ache is also gone. I must have been somewhat constipated.

I am on antibiotics. I asked everyone not to visit until after I finish antibiotics.  That should be mid-week next week.

I can fully yawn without my jaw hurting.  I still have to sleep as if on an incline for two weeks.  No heavy lifting for two weeks.

It is now four days post surgery. So far, so good.

My Surgery Experience, October 12, 2010

My younger sister and I reported to the hospital at 10:00 AM yesterday. I was pretty calm.  My sister kept asking me if I was okay, and each time I reassured her I was.  We went through the preoperative administrative procedures.
 My sister told me that I would be in the preoperating room by myself for about 30-40 minutes.  She griped that the Momma in her didn't want me being in there by myself.  I chuckled.  A nurse named Loretta came and got me. I followed her instructions and got undressed and gowned.  I took off my glasses and hearing aids.  Loretta gave me a shot of buffered Lidocaine in my left hand before inserting the IV in my left hand.  It was pretty painless.  After the prepping, they brought my younger sister in and we went through the preoperative medical questions. I met the medical team - two of the doctors I had met before, a man and a woman.  My anesthesiologist was also a woman,  a delightful, very capable doctor. She explained the anesthesia to my younger sister and me.

I signed all the necessary forms, and my younger sister, who has durable power of attorney, did so as well.  Just before I left for the operating room, I gave my sister a big hug, and said, "See you later, kiddo!"

I was escorted into the operating room suite, IV bag and all, which is kept at a chilly 65 degrees and it was very brightly lit.  I was helped onto the operating room table, tucked in, and the anesthesiologist started administrating the mask. Within seconds I felt as if I was drunk.  My surgeon came in, unmasked, smiled, stroked my forehead, and said,"Hello." I replied, "Hello, I feel drunk." He smiled again, said, "That's good, have a nice nap."  The anesthesiologist readministered the mask, and I closed my eyes. As I dritfted off, I thought of a fairy godmother waving a magic wand of fairy dust, lulling me into delicious, blissful, uninterrupted sleep. I remember absolutely nothing from the actual surgery.The next thing I knew, nurses were shaking me awake, and I really hated to wake up, but I did.
I had no nausea or vomiting from the surgery, nor did I experience any afterwards. I spent a long time in recovery because the medical team wanted my oxygen saturation levels above 70.  I coughed up some mucus, and kept clearing my throat to clear my lungs. I was placed on oxygen, given a nebulizer treatment. They brought my younger sister in. She was glad to see me doing well. I did have some oozing and bleeding post surgery, but that was to be expected. I was really glad to see my surgically implanted ear completely covered by gauze, and a hard plastic contraption that looks like a cup bandaged to my head.  I typically sleep on my left side, with my left hand covering my left side of my face.  

I got dressed, and was wheeled upstairs.  As the elevator doors opened, I saw my surgeon who waved at me, I waved back and he gave me a thumbs up gesture.  I said thank you and waved back.

My sister met me with her car and helped me get in.  I was a little woozy, had very mild vertigo. We went back to the hotel.  I slept a lot, on my back, propped up by lots of foam pillows, and drank some cold water.  Later, we decided to order room service because I was hungry.  We had this delicious seafood soup in a sourdough bowl, some cocktail shrimp. My younger sister also had the seafood soup, and some seafood pasta, which I sampled.  My biggest indulgence was this delicious, decadent Italian Cannoli which I shared with my sister.

I felt a lot more human after eating, in spite of a sore jaw, some pain on eating, and yes, I kept everything down.  My surgically implanted ear felt no worse than a bad toothache.  I took one pain tablet and pretty much slept through until around two in the morning.  I had to pee and I was thirsty. After using the bathroom, I got a cold water bottle out of the minibar refrigerator, took some sips, drank about half, and then went back to bed.

This morning my sister and I got up, got dressed, checked out of the hotel, had breakfast. We stopped by a Starbucks and I got my beloved venti skim latte drink to go in the car. My sister drove me home. She still wasn't too happy about going home and leaving me by myself, until she saw I had prepared the sofa bed, made it up, put paper plates, plasticware out, cups, soup, drinks, out on the kitchen counter and I said I would stay on the first floor of my townhouse and not go up stairs.

She texted me earlier this evening after getting home.  I took another nap, ate some soup, and had some iced tea. I get to take a shower tomorrow and clean my ear. I will see how much hair is cut away from my surgically implanted ear and it will feel good to be clean again!

I am blessed in that I have had little side effects from the surgery so far. It went smoother than I thought it would!

The Night before surgery

Well, after noon tomorrow I will be recuperating from the cochlear implant surgery. I have no idea how I will do. It may be a few days before I blog again. My younger sister is with me and she is supervising homework via cell phone!

So I think I will have some water before midnight.  After midnight I cannot drink or eat anything else.

I am totally calm. No jitters, nothing.  I am feeling pretty fearless.

A Poem two days before surgery - a priceless gift

Today I went out for lunch with two girlfriends - we had so much to talk about and too little time. We had a wonderful visit and the three of us could gab for hours. We reluctantly said our good-byes. I promised to contact them as soon as I felt better after surgery. 

I went home, got my mail. As I was going through it, there was a small manila envelope, without a return address on it.  I didn't recognize the handwriting right away, so at first I didn't realize who sent the envelope.  I opened it, to find a poem with a note. This was written by a much beloved aunt, my mother's sister.  My aunt had written the poem when I was five.  I read the poem, and cried and cried.  I still can't read it without crying.  I was so moved by the poem and her depth of love for me at that age.  She wasn't even a mother at that time.  This is such a priceless gift. I will keep it forever.

The Poem is titled, " Mindy's World."

                                                                MINDY'S WORLD

Mindy laughed when she was two the way other children
do,
But she did not speak and never sang

Or seemed to know when doorbells rang

For sound was not a part of Mindy's world.

Oh, there were times her rage unfurled in torment from her
restive world,

But  angel-like, she would relent,

Tears exhausted, fury spent -

How game her fight to vault her shadow world!


But day by day, she muddled through and changed her
silent world which grew

In leaps and bounds, it seemed, (although
Miracles take time you know)

But words became a part of Mindy's world.

And now that she has found her wings, she speaks to us of
many things.

Her words are few, perhaps but proud!  A simple thing - to
speak aloud -

But that is what is new in Mindy's world.


There's a song. "Wind Beneath My Wings."  I first saw and heard it about 15 years ago - I was watching a music video on television of Bernadette Peters singing this song, and it touched my spirit.  That was the song that immediately came to mind when I read my Aunt's poem through my tears.

Post Implant, I would love to learn to sing. I'm not asking to become an opera singer.  I would like to learn to sing so that I can carry a tune and sing a song.  That may or may not be possible, but I would like to try.

I know there are hearing people who are tune deaf and cannot sing.  I would like to learn to read music, and to learn to play the piano, among other things. 

I know on an intellectual level, a cochlear implant isn't a miracle and doesn't cure deafness. But, Oh, Lord, the possibilities!  Just thinking of the marvelous technology that a cochlear implant  may do for me is just astounding!!

If spoken speech broadened the world of my then five year old world, just imagine what a cochlear implant is going to do for a middle aged woman?

What will I hear on Activation Day? in a week?  in a month? in a year?


                                                              

A Birthday, Windchimes and Hearing Dreams

It has been awhile since my last posting.  In eleven days I will have my cochlear implant surgery, and I have been insanely busy trying to wrap things up at work, home.  There are still errands to run.  I recently ran an errand at a local Barnes and Noble store, and my Member Card was no longer being used, even though I had an active membership. I needed the new Member card.

I couldn't hear or understand the store clerk verifying my information, and as soon as I opened my mouth, he figured out I had difficulty hearing. He didn't raise his voice.  He did the next worst thing: grimaced and exaggerated his speech. That's a huge no-no in my book. Don't exaggerate your speech. Don't cover your mouth, don't mumble. If hearing people would remember to do these three things, I'd be fine.

Well, we got through that verbal exchange, and I had to remind myself, well, at least I didn't have to write him a message on paper and pen, or have a hearing person translate spoken speech into ASL for me.

So, when I am activated post-implant, will everybody's voices sound like they are talking underwater, robotic, sound like chipmunks, or have soprano voices?  Well, there's only one way to find out!

I had a birthday last month.  My older sister and her son mailed me a rather unusual present: Wind chimes.  I would have never even thought of such a birthday gift, and I'm glad that my sister was creative enough to think of it.  They wrote me a note saying they were sorry I couldn't hear the wind chimes just yet, but after Activation Day they hoped I would hear the wind chimes.

I have been having, of late, what I call "Hearing Dreams." The Hearing Dreams have been occurring for quite some time - months.  It is amazing what you dream about "hearing."

The gift of the wind chimes brought back more "hearing" memories in recent dreams:  Listening to a Calliope playing on a steamboat while cruising downriver; hearing Cathedral bells ringing; falling asleep on the train, the chugging of the locomotive wheels as my lullaby; hearing a bell choir at church during college days. Listening to music boxes tinkling an individual melody.  Hearing organ pipes playing, and feeling the vibration of the church organ through the wooden floor at my feet. Attending a orchestra symphony with my father, listening to the various instruments.; listening to an electric flute being played at a rock concert, the memory of muffled drums and Taps being played at my father's funeral during a hot, spring day, so long ago. Listening to a Muslim cleric call the faithful to prayer during a visit to the Muslim Quarter in Israel on a visit with my at mother and our church, some fifteen years ago.

My "hearing dreams" don't really have a plot.  It is more of a Kaleidoscopic variety - the dream version of a slide show with sound, and quite vivid. That's the only way I can explain it. Sometimes I hate waking up to reality, I'd like to dream some more "hearing dreams."

I wonder how long it will take after activation, to coherently "hear" spoken speech on the radio, recognize lyrics on CD's?  With the leaves beginning to fall, what will rustling leaves sound like?  Will I hear wind blowing? What will raindrops on my roof sound like?